Emma: Seventh Grade

Chapter 39: Nightwatch

It was almost seven in the evening, but Ramsey and his parents still weren't home yet. Emma's mom ordered pizza for supper for the three of them. Catie jumped at the opportunity and wolfed down four slices, but Emma wasn't hungry at all. She refused all her mom's requests to get her to eat, and eventually her mom gave up trying, telling Emma that she would starve to death. But Emma didn't care. She knew that everyone would be better off if she wasn't here. So why fight her fate any longer?

Now that Catie was eating pizza at the kitchen table, Emma could finally sit on the couch in peace. Curling her legs up underneath her, she leaned against the back of the couch and watched Catie and her mom eat. The gauze that was wrapped around her forearms made it look like she was wearing long sleeves under her hospital gown. There was blood seeping through the gauze and her wounds stung and burned underneath. She had a throbbing headache and she felt extremely shaky from the loss of blood and going all day without food.

Just as Catie and Emma's mom finished eating, the front door burst open and in walked Uncle Jack, Aunt Macie, and Ramsey. All three of them had very tired but solemn looks on their faces. Ramsey was wearing a blue eye patch over his right eye with a bandaged taped on underneath it. Aunt Macie was holding a plastic hospital bag with discharge instructions, wound care pamphlets, and other miscellaneous papers in it. Her purse was slung over her shoulder and her free hand guided Ramsey from behind. Uncle Jack followed, glancing directly towards Emma for a brief moment, his brown eyes filled with both bitterness and remorse.

Emma felt extremely uncomfortable as they entered the house; she kept shifting her weight from one side to the other as she hid her face in her phone. She heard her aunt and uncle talk softly to her mom, describing the surgery Ramsey had to undergo for his eye. Emma's heart sank as she learned that he only had a twenty-five percent chance of his vision being completely restored to normal. She looked up towards them for a few seconds, only to see that Ramsey was glaring at her, his good eye narrowed and his mouth upturned in a scowl. With that, Emma quickly looked away with tears in her eyes. She was filled with shame and guilt; she couldn't erase the fact that she had done a very bad thing and that she deserved to die and never be heard from again.

In spite of his recent surgery, Emma caught Ramsey chowing down hungrily on pizza out of the corner of her eye. She couldn't understand how her cousin could still eat like a pig in a stressful time like this. For Emma, any little bit of stress would cause her to suffer from stomach pains and nausea, and the last thing she wanted to do was eat. Unfortunately, her mom didn't understand that about her. Then again, her mom didn't understand anything about her. She refused to believe that Emma still struggled with depression and anxiety, in spite of her stay in the psych hospital recently. But Emma knew part of it was her own fault too. She didn't always take her medications as prescribed. She had cut herself again, even though Julie had provided her with other coping methods to use instead. Maybe there was something wrong with her, and maybe her mom was right about her just being a brat. Thinking about it made her feel even more guilty simply for being alive. As tears ran down her cheeks, she thought of running outside and jumping in front of a car. Or maybe she should jump out of a window instead. Or take all of her Ativan at once. But no, that wouldn't work because her mom hid all her Ativan from her.

Emma's thoughts were interrupted by her Aunt Macie and Uncle Jack sitting on either sides of her. Sitting up straight and wiping her eyes, her heart pounded with fear of what was to come.

"So...Ramsey is telling us that you attacked him on purpose," Uncle Jack began, his voice stern and rigid. "I never expected that from you, Emma. I know you get annoyed by him, but that is absolutely no reason to stab someone! What the hell were you thinking?"

Emma could tell that her uncle was very angry with her. "I'm so sorry!" she blurted out, covering her face with her hands and bursting into tears. "I d-didn't do it on p-purpose! H-he tipped my chair b-back, and-d I had the knife in m-my hand cuz I was t-trying to open m-my Christmas p-p-present!!!" Her thin body shook as she bawled uncontrollably. "I-I'm s-so s-s-orry-y!!! I-I w-wish I could-d t-t-take it-t all b-back, b-b-but I c-can't!!" Curling up in the fetal position, she continued sobbing in front of everyone.