Dear Diary...

Part 8.

Dear Diary...

February 26th, 2017

I spoke with Y/n today, I've never felt this broken. Did the kiss mean nothing to her? It meant everything to me. More than everything actually...It changed my world. But it didn't do anything to hers. I've been sitting alone in my room. Sulking, not crying...I can't get over this. How could she play with my heart like that? Say she wanted to kiss me, but then leave my heart cut open. My heart is bleeding out. I can't take it. How could she do this to me. Mess with my heart like this. I gave her a platform to love me the way I love her. And she walked away from it.

-Earlier that day-

"Y/n I need to talk to you..." Peter whispered. She looked up from her book and over to the sub. The substitute teacher was asleep at the desk. Meaning both of them could sneak out of class no problem. She looked back over to Peter and nodded. They both got up slowly and quietly, exiting the room with no questions asked. "What is it you need?" Y/n asked as they walked around the hallway. "Can...Can we go somewhere more private?" "what? I-I mean yeah.." Y/n replied, realizing what he could be intending. She peered her head around the corner. Then signaled for Peter to follow. She opened the unlocked equipment closet and pulled Peter inside. "Private enough?" she snapped.. "Look, I need to know.." "What?" "Why did you kiss me that night?" She looked away from Peter. He put his hand at her chin. Dragging her face back up towards his. "It was a spur of the moment thing..." She spat. "So you don't care," "No...I care, just maybe not the same way as you," "I like you Y/n, you're just going to play me like this?" Peter had tears in his eyes as he raised his voice. She nodded. "Peter I like you too ok, there I said it," "Then what's keeping you from being with me?" "I can't be with you as may want it to be..." "Why," "I just CANT OK?" Y/n shouted. She was teary too. "Why.. Just tell me why..." Peter choked. "You can talk to me...always," Peter whispered. He calmed down, holding in his tears. "W-why didn't you tell me...you-" Y/n stammered. "I couldn't...I didn't want to put you in danger. Also only you and Ned know...if everyone else knew I'd have a bigger problem on my hands," Y/n stayed quiet. "Not that...The part...The part that you like me," "what?" "why didn't you tell me?" "Because...I didn't know how to," "Look Peter...I know you want to be with me, I do too...But I just can't," "Why? Y/n how can you toy with my heart like this...I never expected this from you..." "Hear me out, Peter... Both My friends and my brother would kill me if I was with you," she sighed. "Why do you care so much about what they think?" "Because..." Peter's heart was shattered. The girl of his dreams couldn't be with him because she cared more about her social life. Peter turned his back to Y/n, walking out of the closet immediately. Leaving her behind. Peter managed to keep the tears in but he was crying mentally.

Back To Peter's Writing

I can't stop thinking about this. I need to, I need to find someone else? That will take my mind off this hurt right? No, that won't help me. I can't do this man. Why is love so hurtful. Why does she care so much about other's opinions? So many questions...I could've asked them but I was too caught in the moment. Dammit. This sucks. I want her to be mine. And for the world to know that. But that will never happen. I know that now. I should've known this would happen when I found out she was Micheal's sister.

In Y/n's Writing

I hate everything that happened today. I screwed it all over. Dammit, I'm such an idiot. How could I let popularity overtake what my heart wants? Shit now Peter must hate me. I've been crying for the past 3 hours, my parents think I'm crying over a problem with a friend but that is far from what I'm crying over. I just ruined any chance I had with Peter, What do I do? I can't do anything. This sucks. I hate love. Love never works. This won't work and it's all my fault. I'm such an idiot. (Y/n grabs her notebook and heads up to the roof to think) I can't stand myself sometimes. I don't think before I speak. I need to talk to Peter. He'll never speak to me after today...Not a word. Dammit, I'm such an idiot. A blind, self-centered idiot...