The Mute Girl

chapt 12. poems and pizza

Haylie pov (pic is of blake)

I couldnt sleep that night so i got out one of my old note books and looked at my drawings and poem like entrys
One was from when i was 13 not long after my parents started fighting and i became mute

Every thought is a battle
Every breath is a struggle
You hate me?
Good
I hate me too
You say im not worth it?
Great
I know im not
Waist of space?
Yeah sure
Weak?
No not at all
I may be a nothing
But i am not weak
Nor am i strong
Im neither
And im both.

I found my old phone too it had old voice diaries on it

I cried and cried till i had no more tears i missed my voice i sent one to the group chat i sent a voice recording of me singing the lonely by christina perri

H: voice attachment 1

G: is that your voice??

C: wow

E: its very pretty

H: thanks... i miss my voice

G: i think you are just as perfect without it

C: yeah

E: you are perfect no matter what

I was still crying but not as much
I

put in my blue ear buds and listend to my playlist called

Life sucks but these songs don't

1. Burning gold
2. The lonely
3. Jar of hearts
4. A thousand years
5. Human
6. Set it all free
7. Little do you know
8. Heart attack
9. Weak
10. Burn the whole house down
11. I really don't care
12. Hold on
13. Demons
(I suggest all of those btw)

I mouthed the words to the songs quietly till i fell asleep

I woke up to the monday morning with tears in my eyes
I slept maybe 2 hours that night i had bags under my eyes and my hair was a mess
I took a shower the cold water felt good on my healing cuts
I wore a black t shirt and jeans i put on a grey hoodie and my black converse i had my hair in a messey bun and i walked to school hoping to be unnoticed but i failed
Amy and ashly came up to me in the hall
"You should just die you know no one wants a whore like you here"
I signed
Whatever
And walked away making sure our shoulders hit making her almost fall to the floor than i flipped her off i wasnt in a good mood if you can't tell
She yelled something but i put my hood up and earbuds in than walked to my first class
I sat in the back my grades were almost perfect so my teachers didnt even care that i wasnt paying attention

At p.e our teacher was out so i decided to draw and write a little
I startes drawing a girl who was happy on one side saying 'im fine' and crying on the other saying 'im broken'
Than someone took it it was the jock who slashed my with a whip kicked my in the gut and dropped text books on my leg i didnt care i just let him read it
"So little miss mute is depressed?"
I shook my head
"Than whats with the drawings and poems?"
I typed
'it helps me get out my anger but why do you care?'
"I don't i just thought it was your diary clearly not though"
He threw it at my head than went to kiss ashly on the lips
Ew i cringed

At home lilly was at work and levi was with me he of course just went to his room and i made him a snack for a almost four year old he was distant i couldnt help but think it was my falt
He didnt talk much
Maybe because lilly was always at work and i didnt speak his best friend was home schooled so they didnt talk much
After i made him a snack lilly told me she had to work overtime and that i should call a friend over and order pizza camile was busy grace was sick and elena didnt answer so i asked jackson and of course she wasnt busy

Jacksons pov

New text from haylie

H: hey i was wondering if you wanted to come over for pizza and to help me watch levi

J: yeah sounds cool

She told me that i could come over whenever i said i'd be there in 30min
I lived 15min from her house and i was with camron and blake so how was i even gonna get there? I was in my house what excuse could i use?
"You're nervous and thinking lemme guess haylie texted?" Camron asked
"Uh yeah" i said
"What'd she say?" Blake asked
"She wants to know if i can help watch her nephew with her" i replyed
"Go than we'll stay here" camron said
I rolled my eyes and left

Later at haylies house the door was unlocked so i walked inside she had wireless ear buds in while she was cleaning the little mess in her house she had a hoodie and white short shorts on i blushed a little than knocked on the wall
She turned to look at me and put a wide smile on her sad face i loved her smiles but i knew this one was fake
"Hey whats up?"
'Hi and nothing why?'
"No reason" i shrugged than continued "what kind of pizza do you want?"
'Ummm i don't know you pick i like almost every type of pizza'
"Ok than stuffed crust surpreme?"
'Sure'
"Cool"

After the pizza got here and we all ate it we watched a movie and haylie fell asleep on my chest and i fell asleep with her

I heard a knock on the wall which made haylie flinch then i woke up haylie was facing out twords the tv where her aunt was standing i was behind haylie holding her protectivly
"Not a couple huh?" Her aunt mutterd
"Nah she doesnt like me that way" i said
"But you like her?" She asked
"i mean yah who wouldnt?"
"Yet you think she doesnt like her?" She asked again
"No?" I said almost as a question
"You know she never sleeps at night when you arnt here shes nut cutting anymore because you asked her not too"
"That doesnt mean anything" i said
"No i means everything you make her feel safe you make her feel worth it and thats not just friendship its more than that" she said
"Oh" i said blushing tho she probably couldnt tell
"Shes loves you jackson and i know you love her you two are good for eachother you just have to learn to admit your feelings"
But i don't know if i can....