Lunar's Eclipse || Wattys 2019

Fourteen: Dear Nathan...

Song: Without Me by Halsey

NATHAN'S P.O.V

I don't know what I'm doing....I don't....I don't know what to do without you...

Over and over Lunar's words replay in my head like a broken record as I head home after dropping Emily.

I shouldn't have kissed her.
Dammit.

She drew a line and no matter how much she was vulnerable or needing someone or looking at me like that, I should have resisted.

I shouldn't have crossed that fucking line...No matter how much I miss her.

I don't know what to do without you....

Without you....

Without you....

What does this mean? That she misses me? She wants me back?

I shake the thought out of my head as I unlock my apartment and enter inside.

I can't believe I was about to spill out my feelings for her, right there in the restaurant.
What a mess that would have been.

'Lunar, I just want to say that I miss you. I miss you and I know you're still thinking about my past and how difficult it is to forget....I know it's hard for you to trust me....I know I built everything we had on lies and secrets. But if you give me a second chance, a chance to start over, I promise to make it better. To make us better. To be completely honest with you every single day.'

I can already imagine how much her expression will change to anger, how she'll burst into tears and I'll feel like the worst jerk alive.
How she'll tell me I'll never understand.

Which is true.

I don't. But I'm trying.

LUNAR'S P.O.V

I watch Nathan drive away and I stand, prisoner to the spot.

God, what is wrong with me?

Why did I do that?

Why did I say that?

Because it's true....

My little evil conscience tells me and I push it off my mind as I get into the car but it grows back like a stubborn weed.

'I just want to say---"

And he never finished that sentence, yet somehow I knew he wanted to say something about us, about his feelings....

"Or maybe you're just being paranoid and wishing that's what he was actually going to say." I mutter to myself as I park my Audi outside the dorm and get inside the building.

I want to to regret kissing him so bad...

I want to regret pouring out my emotional feelings for him out there in the parking lot....

I want to regret going to his table...but I can't. I can't because deep down I know I wanted--no--needed to do all that.
Just like I need him.
Need his protective hugs.
Need his laughter.
His smile and his corny jokes and amazing recipes.

"Soooo......how did it go?" Tess asks as I walk into the room and flop on my bed, my eyes on the ceiling.

"Shane Carter walked out on me in the middle of the date just because I said I wasn't ready to be his girlfriend and I kissed Nathan in the parking lot." I say almost remotely, my mind wandering back to Nathan.