Lunar's Eclipse || Wattys 2019

Twenty seven: Yours is Mine.

I stare into Nathan's eyes and I can see how serious he is.

He really isn't going to leave.

Somewhere deep inside me is full of joy. The selfish part of me, that wants him...regardless of the pain it might cost him.
He wants to stay.

But I shake the thought out of my head. This wasn't about me.
It's about the only guy I might ever love, risking so much and he isn't even aware about it.

"But Nathan--"

"Lunar, please. Enough is enough." He says firmly, staring right at me.

"You can't expect me to walk out of here and get into my car and leave you knowing that you're going through so much. That's not how a relationship works. You're my girlfriend."

"I'm just worried about you." I whimper and he sighs. Then he turns off the shower and helps me out.

When Nathan is done drying me up, I wrap the towel around my body and then he takes my hands in his.

"You have to stop believing that you're a jinx or you're cursed. It's what's causing your nightmares and it hurts me to see you like this." He says and I blink back my tears.

"How else am I supposed to explain what is wrong with me?" I ask and he lifts up my chin.

"Exactly. Nothing is wrong with you. You're being paranoid because you've lost people close to you." He says gently.

"But it's not normal."

"It's not abnormal either. Lunar people out there have lost their entire family in a day. People surviving in wars, people being abused, people transferred from foster home to foster home.  This whole thing never really bothered you until we lost the baby....that's what triggered it." Nathan says and I look away.

He was right.

He always is.

"I know it. And I don't blame you because I know you felt attached to that baby so much. But you don't have to deal with the pain alone by coming up with theories. I know it's a coping mechanism but it has to stop." He says and I look back at him.

"But the hurt is so much Nathan." I sob.

"I know baby. I know. But that's why you have me. I know you felt the pain the most but I felt incredibly hurt too. We both lost the baby together and we'll deal with the pain together. How many happy times we have doesn't define our relationship, it's how strong we are together. You don't have to do anything painful alone so far as you have me. You want to cry? My shoulder's available for you. You want to trash stuff and scream? I'll buy you an antique store. You want someone to hold you at night? You've got me. I'm here for you. What's yours is mine. Your sadness is my sadness and your happiness is my happiness. But you can't keep running when you face an eclipse in life, because you know the thing about eclipses? They always pass." He says and the realisation of his words draw up feelings.
Feelings I had no idea I was burying.

"If it was a girl, I was going to name her Kristi." I cry.

"With a K?" Nathan asks and I smile through my tears.

"Yeah. And if it was a boy, I was going to name him Eric." I say and Nathan nods.

"And there's nothing wrong with having those regrets. The doctor never said anything about you not being able to have kids again baby. And you can always name the next baby with any of those names. You just have to accept that this opportunity is gone, but another will come. You never had nightmares about your parents or Logan until now. You know they loved you baby, and they never blamed you." Nathan says as he wipes my tears.