An Apple Away From Sin

32. Reality

Kabira scraped off the last bites of food from her plate, set it down on the floor and gently kicked it to one side. Someone would pick it up later. Earlier she used to love food. There was a time when she used to love food, when she used to savor every morsel of it... groan like a child when she had cleaned her plate and there was no more for her to savor. It felt like another life time to her. Now eating was just another bland motion, another mechanism to keep herself alive. She spared a quick glance at the wall clock that was ticking away seconds into minutes and minutes into hours.

12:30 am

She picked up a shawl from the bedside table and wrapped it around her torso. The air was definitely chilly tonight. Wrapping her arms around her chest, she sat on the bed.

It had already been two days. Sleep had abandoned her. Else, it came with nightmares that usually woke her up with a start.

Stevens knew it all. After all, she was a captive in his room.

She had changed abruptly in the past two days. All these months, she had held on to hope when there was nothing else for her. Now she felt nothing. No, she did feel something. She could feel the storm and rage pulsing inside her, frothing and growing until they found out a chink in her armor. She could also feel the depression setting in. A steady lump of gloom and worthlessness grew in her heart, sucking out her life force.

She had been a fool. A fool!

She stood up. She would not be allowed to take a single step closer to Dex until they had squeezed out every drop of information from him but she couldn't just sit like that. She needed a walk. She needed some fresh air. She was tired of the monotony of her life. She missed having a goal, she missed having deadlines, she missed being on field. She missed all the little details that defined her as the person she was.

She wouldn't have felt this hopeless if she were alone but she wasn't. She couldn't just leave her parents behind. She couldn't just make a dash for an escape.

A desolate, strangulated noise escaped her throat. Here she was, thinking that something in their dynamic had shifted while Stevens was busy fulfilling his plans.

Hurting her family. Her friend. Her colleagues.

She entered her room again and sat down on the bed. There was no where for her to go. No freedom for her. No way out. Dex was here. Somewhere in here. But she couldn't reach him. She didn't know where. Didn't know how to find him without being caught in the cameras.

Her mother was in here but she couldn't pay her a visit without Steven's permission.

Her father was in here too. Somewhere here... like Dex...

She tried to swallow the knot forming inside her throat. Her whole life was here. In the one place she didn't want it to be.

Because she had failed them. All of them. She didn't deserve to be a protector. She didn't deserve her badge. She deserved nothing anymore.

She gazed down at the hand resting on the soft fabric of the bed cover. This was where they slept every night. Together. Sharing one bed. This was where they had kissed. Kissed.

Once it had spread tingles down her spine. Now the very memory of it made her skin crawl. How could she?

How could she?

She jumped up from the bed and hurled a pillow against the wall.

"HOW COULD YOU?" she screamed. She snatched the other pillow and hurled it away. Away. She needed everything that held the essence of that monster to be away from her. When that wasn't enough, she screamed again. And again. And again.

She picked up the plate and thrashed it on the wall. The glass broke into sharp, serrated pieces. She screamed again. Not from pain. She did not deserve to feel hurt. No amount pain was enough for her. No amount of pain could deliver upon her the punishment she deserved.

She grabbed the loose ends of her hair and pulled them upwards. The sharp tug should have made her yelp but she felt nothing. A sparkle caught her eyes. She lowered her hand and noticed the bracelet wrapped around her wrist. It was a perfect fit and it bore his initials. She had not paid much attention to this piece of jewelry before. It was a mark of ownership for Stevens but it had meant nothing to her. Just another sparkly thing with crappy sentiment.

Now it was unbearable for her. The skin on her wrist burned under its contact. She tugged at it. She tried to squeeze her hand out of it. She tugged at it more viciously. It did not budge from its place.

"No no no no," she kept on repeating under her breathe. She took a step back. Then another. Suddenly she tripped over her own leg and fell down. Sharp pain shoot up her coccyx. She pulled her knees closer to her chest and buried her head between them. Around her, the world spun further and further away from her control.

With one jerky movement, she sat up straight. She needed something familiar to hold on to. Despair would not get her family and her friend out of their prison. She gave herself a firm shake and stood up. She knew where she needed to go.

**************

James walked out of the torture room. That man was being too stubborn for his own good.

Just like his friend, he mused. Milan handed him his phone and fell in step beside him. Donald was still inside, picking up the bloody tools.

"Anything useful?" Milan asked.

James switched on the phone. "No. He is too tight lipped."

For a few seconds, they walked in silence. Then Milan said, "Is it possible that the police doesn't know much about the Claim War?"

James shook his head. "One can not be too careful. I don't need those incompetent assholes blundering my plans. I will talk with him again tomorrow."

"And what about Italy? How much do they know? Who tipped us off?"

James checked his inbox. Rosalind had sent her a thumbs up. She had successfully blown up a strong hold of one of the supporters of the Flints. James quickly deleted the message, showing none of the relief and glee he felt. "I will warn them. After that, I will wash my hand. I couldn't care less about what happened to them."

James shoved the phone back inside his pocket. Then he looked up and narrowed his eyes. His voice took on a dangerous edge. "And I don't need to tell you who tipped us off to those rats."

What he did not yet tell his men were that he was a little worried now. He had not received any message from his insiders. He had thought the Flints would attack by now but they hadn't. It could only mean one thing. They were planning for a huge ambush.

He frowned and went through several possibilities inside his head. He was dragged out of his thoughts when a man - he recognized him as one of those who were responsible for surveillance - run up to him. His eyes were wide and he was breathing hard. After spending one look at the way he held himself, James knew it was about her.

 His heart slammed against his rib cage as an unknown fear seized him.

"What is it?" He had to wield his sheer willpower to not grab the man by his collars and shake him. "Is she okay?"

The man's eyes widened. This time it was from fear. "She went into a fit of rage earlier tonight," he croaked. "She almost destroyed your room, Boss."

James wasn't having any of it. He didn't care about his room. He could always rebuild. But his Fire, if something happened to his Fire...

"I don't give a bloody damn about that fucking room. Is she okay?" he growled and curled his fingers tightly, shoving them inside his pockets. He was this close to beating the shit out of him. "Speak man!"

The man swallowed. "Y... yes. But she isn't inside your room."

James furrowed his brows in confusion. The unexpectedness of the news took out some tension from his muscles. "Where is she?"

"She is sitting outside that older woman's room, Boss. She is talking to her mother."