starlight |jw

-4-

-Jackson Wang- tw. selfharm. hatred

After I cooked her soup, from which I ate a little, soup I googled how to cook. I found myself thinking about the incident... I wanted her to get everything off her chest. So while she was eating , I started talking.

"Sun... what exactly happened?" I asked carefully, stealing glances at her
"Jackson, you don't have to worry about it..it's nothing" she replied in english, suddenly. I shook my head indicating I didn't agree.
"Of course it's something, Sunny.. if you want to say something, you know you can tell me anything" I replied, making sure to keep my voice tone as gentle as possible. She was silent for a few minutes, feeding herself, but as she noticed I was quiet too...

"I-I.." she sighed, a few tears rolled down her cheeks

"I can't hate those girls, you know? No matter how much I try! Even though they're mean to me, I just can't bring myself to embrace that feeling towards them... I'm always trying hard to get them to at least accept me, but what exactly have they done for me? Nothing!... I hate myself for that" she said, tears pouring down of her sad eyes

"You don't get to hate yourself because of things like that, Sunny.. it's something good that you don't hate them, so why hate yourself? It just shows that you're better person than they'll ever be"

"But am I, really? Ever since I arrived at that school everything they've done is let me know how much of a slut, a scum and a spectrum I am... a monster, they call me sometimes.. and you know? I think they might be right. I'm not enough to anyone, not even when my face is already clear, when I've lost 6 whole sizes, not even with my good grades, I-I" she finally gave in, crying all the frustration away with her face in her hands. I stood up from my seat and went beside her, hugging her carefully, making sure I didn't hurt her.

She was taken aback by my actions, I could tell as her body tensed... but she hugged back and buried her face on my chest. I felt my shirt getting wet, but I didn't mind that at all.

"It's okay" 

"I'm here" I said very softly into her ear, my hands rubbing her back comfortingly. It pained me seeing her like this, but I was glad she wasn't keeping all of this to herself; I knew very well that unsaid words were as lethal as poison. 

"Sunny, listen to me. The guys and I, we are here for you; you don't have to keep things that hurt to yourself... and even if you don't feel like telling us guys, Hatai's always there. But don't do this" I slowly scanned her forearms which had several white lines that were fading, but also had freshly made cuts into the flesh

"to yourself" I finished; I fought back the tears that wanted to well up in my eyes; the mere sight of her fragile arms was enough to brake me down, let alone seeing her arms with cuts.

"don't keep things that are slowly killing you, to yourself. We are willing to hear you out"

"Plus.."

"You don't have to change a thing, you are perfect just as you are" I sang softly. Up until now I haven't realized that Sunhi didn't actually know we are a pop group, so she probably didn't know the song.

"How did you know that's my favorite song?" She smiled softly, pulling away from my embrace so she could look up at me

"Is it? Really?" I asked with a soft smile
"Yes! I first listened to it the day we met... but now I can't stop listening to it. It's from this boy band called GOT7" I chuckled softly, biting down on my lip. Should I tell her?

"Thanks for everything, Jackson" she smiled and I smiled back.
"You know, you should leave soon. It's not that I don't like your company here, but I know you guys have work and it must be exhausting, please rest" she said with a soft expression. Being honest, I was very tired and I had yet things to discuss my schedule with the guys, but I didn't want to leave her alone. So I smiled