Everything's numb. My entire body is weak, I feel mentally and physically empty. Last month my mother died, she was the only thing keeping me stable, keeping me sane. I haven't left my apartment in weeks, living off of pot noodles and crisps isn't exactly a great lifestyle to have. I haven't spoken to anyone or replied to any messages to the point where people had tried to do anything to get in contact with me but I just didn't want to talk about it.
I was currently curled up in a blanket on my bed, with my laptop and some Netflix. I wasn't really paying attention to it though, it was just merely a background noise to me as I am constantly lost in thought.
Ding!
I'm dragged out of my thoughts to my phone going off, I don't know why I haven't just turned it off yet.
Ding!
Normally I'd ignore it but I have the urge to at least check who it is, it could be someone who matters.
From Jide:
Yo Amelia please phone me, I'm desperate to talk to you. Please talk to me I want to help :(I want to reply but I also don't, I don't want him to worry more but I seriously don't want to talk about it. I'm dealing with it my self, I am good by my self. But I have to reply, he's always been there for me and I'm pushing him away at the worst time, when he wants to be there for me. I contemplate phoning him, not wanting to talk about it but before I know it the phones up to my ear, ringing.
"Millie? Oh my god Amelia where have you been! I've been trying for weeks to get you to repl-" he stops, realising he's rambling on, it goes silent then he clears his throat before talking again.
"I'm sorry, how are you? I've missed you, why haven't you spoken to me?" I can hear pain in his voice, he's upset I haven't spoken to him about anything. I've always told him everything, I've trusted him with my whole life but we drifted when he became famous. He wanted to be the centre of attention and in the limelight but I was never the one for that.
"I'm doing okay, thank you Jide. I guess I just didn't want to talk," I shrug off him question as my voice cracks away, trying desperately to not cry.
"Millie I know you and I know you're not okay. Where are you?" He sounds worried, he's right though he does know me. He knows me better than anyone else does, even better than I know my self.
"In my apartment." I mutter just loud enough for him to hear. There's a silence, he doesn't quite know how to reply. He thinks for a minute before talking again.
"Right, I want you to come visit me. I've just moved house with some lads you'll like. You can't be alone Millie, no one should be alone going through this. You need friends. Please." He begs knowing I'm going to say no. I guess it wouldn't hurt to go see Jide, I haven't seen him in months because he's always so busy with the whole being famous thing. He is right about me being alone though, I shouldn't be alone and I should've got in contact with JJ sooner.
"Are you still there?" He sounds worried, probably because I haven't said anything yet. Do I want to go see JJ? I watch his videos and I see how crazy everything seems in that house, do I want to be around that? It would be better than being here alone.
"Yeah I'm here, and sure I'll come visit you, as long as I get a cuddle." I chuckle slightly, hearing him stifle a laugh through the phone we talk about the details and he is not wasting any time. He booked a train for me to get to London for tonight, so I have only a couple hours to pack my stuff, classic Jide always moving too fast.
-
After a couple hours I am on my way to the train station, I thought about not going but I also thought about what would help me and make me feel better. I need to start putting my self first, my health needs to come first always and over the past few months I haven't been too good with keeping myself healthy. I know JJ will look after me, he always has looked after me, in a sense he's my guardian angel.
Ring!
"Hello," I answer fully aware that Jide is phoning to check how I am, he's always so worried.
"Heya so I'll pick you up from the station when you arrive, how are you feeling?" He asks, I can hear the his excitement laced in his voice, It makes me smile a little.
"Yeah I'm alright, just got to the station and my trains leaving soon." I've always admired how protective Jide is over me, it's as if I'm his little sister in a way.
"Good, so I will see you in a few hours. I'm excited to give you a cuddle." We both chuckle and say our goodbyes. I find my seat on the train and sit down, getting out my laptop and earphones. I open YouTube and go onto the Sidemen channel, If I'm meeting Jide's friends, I better see who they are. I'm super excited to see Jide but I'm also riddled with anxiety and stress, I don't want to bring any of them down just because I'm not feeling good. But I guess I'll just see how it goes, I'm sure I'll make friends.
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Always You || Simon Minter (miniminter)
Romance"You promised it would always be me." "It's always you, you idiot... I couldn't love anyone else." Highest rankings #1 miniminter #1 sidemen