halo 'n horns [klance au]

32. Sons of Light

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Matt

When I had arrived home from the Midworld that day so long ago, my hands and shoulders shaking, tears running down my face, as I heard Kuron's voice over and over in my head, accusing me of cheating and whatever other lies he'd heard, I'd never felt so lonely, afraid, broken.

Now, as I look at Lance, his wings drooping, sobbing into Adam's chest, I can't help but feel a stronger bond growing between us. I know it's wrong, but I need someone to talk to about Kuron. Adam and I are closer than close, but he shut down in a different way after Shiro left him. He doesn't talk about it, but I need to.

Lance and I are more alike than he knows in that, while we tend to hide our own emotions behind a wall of some sort of other traits- for him, being flirty, cocky, annoying, for me, using technology and learning as a distraction- we need to let them out before we explode. For Adam, it's a slow simmer that he lets die in his heart, but Lance and I are much too emotion-driven for that.

I miss Kuron more than anything. I knew his mind like the back of my hand. I knew what made him tick, what made him laugh, what hurt and what he could handle. And yet, we were so easily broken. I knew the prophecy, just because I was a part of it, as were the Twins and Adam, and I knew that, if everything went according to plan, then Kuron and I might still have a chance again, but I was scared.

Kuron had broken my heart, my mind, my trust, and with it, any semblance of stability with myself I'd once felt. He was manipulative, cruel, sensitive, smart. He knew exactly where my weak spots were and had pressed each and every one of them until I'd shattered.

Adam may have been able to hold everything in, work through things and find distractions, but Kuron had broken my capacity to trust myself like that.

Guilt weighed down on me like lead, but I couldn't help it- I was selfishly relieved that Lance had broken like this instead of like Adam- I had someone who I could trust that I could talk to, who could reflect my emotions like a mirror. I was still broken, but maybe Lance and I could piece ourselves together with help.

...

Adam

Lance smelled like Shiro. Well, he smelled like what I assumed was Keith, but all devils had this musty, pine and smoke scent and it was setting my nerves alight with memories. So long had it been since I'd let myself think about Shiro. So long since I'd pictured dark grey eyes framed by thick eyelashes. Broad shoulders. Sharp jaw and a thin scar across the bridge of his nose.

Too long, maybe.

Lance was finally home and crying against my chest, just as Matt had done all those years ago. Back when Lance was smaller, sweeter, younger. Back when he couldn't conceptualize heartbreak and hardly understood devils.

But now, he knew too much. My heart went out to him as I tried to console him, but I blamed myself. I had known how dangerous the devil could be and yet, Mother and I had sent him off like a lamb to slaughter.

I'm sure it had been fun, beautiful, and wonderful while it lasted. But of course, just like Matt and I, Lance had been tricked, deceived, lied to and made to believe that he was loved and cared for by the devil he slept beside.

I didn't pay attention to the prophecy as Mother and Matt did- I focused on the things that were happening in the present rather than in the past or future, but I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if that ancient script actually held the promises it stated.

Did I even want it to? Did I want to go back to Shiro, have him build me up just to break me again with false accusations and his low, quiet voice as he slammed the door behind him? I didn't know if it would ever be worth it again.