halo 'n horns [klance au]

36. Preparation

Keith

"Are you not happy here?" My father asked me as I stood in front of him. He was sitting in his throne, a leather armchair today, with a tight expression. He smelled like grass.

I frowned. "Is this about the Trials?" I had made up my mind days ago, deciding that, to make things right between Lance and me, I needed to regain my heart. I didn't understand why Dad was so opposed to the idea.

"You can't answer a question with a question." He sounded tired.

"Yes, I'm happy here. It's my home."

"Then why do you insist on leaving?"

I shook my head. "I never said anything about leaving. I'd still be a devil, your son."

Father sighed and stood up, his lips pressed together in a thin line. "Devils don't have beating hearts, boy. My son is undead. If you take those Trials, you'll become semi-mortal. You won't be able to stay down here for long without dying."

"How long would I have?" I challenged.

"A week, maybe, until you'd fade away completely. You'd have to live in the Midworld."

I bit my lip. The decision had been made and it was sound and solid, but my father kept bringing up more and more obstacles, throwing things in my way to try and sway me.

"I will find a home in the Midworld, then, and visit as often as I can."

My father shook his head. "Your life will become shorter. A couple thousand years, at the most."

"Mortals only live 80. I can live my life well with a few thousand."

My father turned away from me. His shoulders were hunched. "Why do you want to leave me, my boy?" His shoulders shook but I refused to believe he was crying. My father emotional because of me? Unheard of. Impossible.

"I want to live my life as someone who can love. I want to love my friends, my family, myself. Dad, I want to love you."

"You can't love me," he shot back, "I cannot love."

"I never said you had to," I said gently. I knew I could take the Trials alone. But I wanted my father with me, supporting me. "If I die in there, I want you to know that I loved you. Or at least I wanted to." I turned to leave but paused. As I'd expected, I felt Dad's hand on my shoulder. I didn't turn.

"I am not Missus. I couldn't care less about love and I can't understand for the life of me why you crave it. I will not stand in your way if this is what you truly want, but I will not encourage it. Keith, you were born as a Prince of Darkness and all things otherwise tragic. That is all you will ever be in my eyes- my son and my heir. By... renouncing this role, you renounce me and your home."

"I would never- could never renounce you, Father. This is my home and you will always be a part of it. But you have to understand that my heart is up there." I raised my eyes to the cavernous ceiling above us. "I just hope that Lance will still have it."

"He will."

I wasn't sure if my father knew that for a fact, and I had a sneaking suspicion that he'd interrogated Lance, but I trusted him. I had to.

...

"It's not going to be easy, I'll tell you that. You're going to want to die if you don't end up actually killing yourself. But you just have to focus on yourself and nothing else. You'll make it."

Kuron was placing two circular patches to my temples, yellow eyes focused. Shiro stood slightly behind him, looking at me nervously. I knew that, between the two of them, Shiro was considerably more anxious about the outcome.