Pay the Sun

Four

Robin and I hang out and say goodbye as usual on June 25th, exactly three weeks from the first time we met. I go home and write in my journal of letters, a thing that my therapist suggested. I write another letter to Robin, another letter he'll never read, pouring out my feelings so I can stop thinking about them.

Once I finish, I flip through the pages, glimpses of names flashing by. A lot of them are to my friends and teachers, although some are to strangers and to my family. All of the recent ones are to Robin.

Earlier, Robin and I ate dinner from the Mexican food truck, but I find that I'm still hungry even though it's nine p.m. I leave my room and rummage around in the fridge, taking a container of fried green beans that my mom made for dinner to my room. I snuggle back up in bed, eat green beans with my fingers, and watch videos on my phone until I fall asleep.

In the morning, I wake up to my mom walking around and cooking in the kitchen. Yawning, I slide out of the covers and join her after getting dressed, rubbing my eyes as I take a seat at the dining table.

"I'm made scrambled eggs," she says. "I put green onions, tomatoes, and cheese on 'em. There's some extra to take to your friend. I assume that's where you're headed off to?"

I'm nothing if not easy to figure out. I nod.

"Yep, that's what I was planning. Thanks for the eggs."

"No problem, honey. Tell him I say hi."

"I will," I assure.

I kiss her cheek as I exit the house. My friends give me shit for it when they're around to see me do it, but that doesn't bother me anymore. I'm a momma's boy. She's helped me through a lot. She's not perfect, as she still doesn't have a full grasp on pansexuality, but she's supportive as hell and that's all I could ask for.

I walk to the abandoned hangout as usual, throw-away plastic container of eggs in hand. I bound up the stairs and up to the roof, only to find that I'm all by myself. Frowning, I go to sit in our usual spot by the wall, waiting for Robin to show up. He's not always here before me, so I figure he'll get here later.

I rest my head against the wall, closing my eyes. I stay that way for a while until I hear thuds coming from the stairwell. I jolt up, thinking it's Robin. I look to the hatch, waiting for it to open, but it stays shut. I wait patiently for a few more minutes, wondering if he got caught up.

When Robin doesn't come up, I get up and open the hatch, looking down the stairs. No one's there. I walk down until I reach the hallway, where no one is, and then even further to the empty ground floor.

"Stupid ghosts," I mutter as I walk back up to the roof.

Something loudly taps on the wall, causing me to jump. I run up the stairs and settle back down next to the container of eggs I left on the floor.

"Point made!" I yell out.

I sit on the ground until I get bored of doing nothing, then pull out my phone to text Robin, at which point I realize I don't actually have his number. Phones are essential to our conversations, but neither of us have thought to swap numbers since we're almost always with each other. I remind myself to get Robin's number when he gets here.

On my phone, I see that I have a few missed texts from late last night and earlier this morning, so I quickly type out responses to those. All of them are from my other friends, West, Tim, Nanna, and Evan. I haven't hung out with any of them this summer, but none of them have initiated the hanging out, so I haven't bothered. West is in Europe all summer, anyway.