BTS Scenario

+Kim Seokjin+

I just need to write this right now so I don't start crying...
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Pacing around your apartment you frequently checked your makeup in the mirror. The small paper in your hand wrinkled as you clenched on it tightly. In your mind, you knew this was the best for both of you, your heart tho, couldn't quite grasp onto the idea of leaving him.

You red the reasons over and over and over again making sure your decision was the right one and with every line, you got more courage, but you knew better. You knew he would try to make you stay, even if you were clear about what you wanted. The age difference between you two didn't help either, it was, in fact, one of the bigger reasons why you had to leave.

Often had you both talked about marriage and children and you had made it clear you didn't want any of it, but you could see it in Jin's eyes that he wanted it and you were nowhere near ready to give it to him. Your plans for the future didn't match either, as traveling was one of the things you had newly discovered and found a passion about and you decided to take on a job that would make you go after that passion.

But there was more to it then work or age. Jin was a very busy person, always away, never really one to pick up the phone when you needed him. As a person growing up with one parent, you searched for a lot of attention and love from your partner. Especially since your mother remarried and had children on her own. There was always the bitter feeling of being the one left out, the one that their parents just abandoned along the way.

While Jin was, in fact, a caring man, he didn't really know how to treat you right and you had just given up trying to make him understand what you wanted from him. He had told you many times to tell him how to react to certain things and you always found that so confusing. If you asked any of your friends what they would do in a situation that Jin never knew how to react to, your friends would always have a clear vision of how to handle them. Some you liked, some you didn't, but neither of them had told you to tell them what to do. It seemed like he wanted to be your puppet or someone who didn't have an own free will to react to certain things.

There were also days where you would be mad about either family related stuff or simple worlds problems and it would always end up with him talking, and you just standing, listening to him lecturing you about ideas and opinions, which was once again very infuriating to you. It would always feel like you weren't good enough for him or more like a child.

You had to admit you did have a child-like persona, but you still wanted to be taken seriously. Speaking of serious, you had always this tight feeling inside your chest whenever you thought about it. While Jin himself behaved like a child, deep inside he needed someone to lead him in life and guide him. Someone who was mature and he could lean on. With you, it was more like he had the urge to become a parent of some sort for you and that was already a bad approach to a relationship, to begin with.

You had figured this out a long time ago and right now, you had finally had the balls to approach all of these issues, to which it would end to a breakup. It was not necessarily that you didn't like him or you didn't have feelings for him anymore. This problem needed to be sorted out in a mature way. The fact was, you would not end up happy with each other in the long run, even if it has sort of worked for three whole years now.

You heard the bell ring at the door. Putting your paper down and checking your mirror one last time, you walked over and opened the door.

{A/N}

Yes, this is from personal experience and more to say, it's what I am going through right now. I try not to be a mess, but I always end up asking myself if this was the right decision. I can't be selfish either and keep this going, so my decision is the right one. But it hurts. It hurts me to hear he is hurt by my words and it hurts me to think what I had done to him. Sometimes I feel like I should go apologize and say that we should go back together, but I know that won't be good for him and the trust is already broken as well. So I am just, trying my best to bear with my emotions and act like a facking adult.

That's it from me...