Metanoia (n): Ancient Greek Word Meaning: the journey of changing one's mind, heart, self, or way of life Pronunciation: meh-tah-noy-ah
What could go wrong? What could go wrong when Monsta X are preparing for the next comeback in order to fascinate...
I woke up when I heard small sobs coming from Kihyun's bed. This keeps happening all the time and I understand him. A murder + rapist is after him and he is terrified. To be honest I am not in the best mental state as well, in fact I am so scared. Hyungwon is the only person I am comfortable with, he keeps telling me that I need some time for myself and that I have to relax. He wants me to talk to a psychologist about it. Kihyun does not know about this and he shouldn't, he already has a huge mess in his head he doesn't need my complaints and fears as well.
I got up still sleepy as hell and edged towards Kihyun's bed on the other side of the room. I lied next to him and caressed his hair. To my surprise he was awake and he wasn't having a nightmare as usual. "What's wrong?" I said and a loud yawn followed.
"Please go back to sleep hyung, it...it's fine" he held his breath in order to keep the tears from falling. I could see the reluctance in his eyes "Please leave"
"I am not leaving until you tell me what happened" I played with his hair.
"You have a big schedule for tomorrow, you have to get some sleep, you don't have to care about my stupid fears" he said with his voice cracking in the end.
I took a serious expression "Kihyun your fears are not stupid, I am serious if you don't tell me am not leaving, in fact I might wake up the other members thus we can all have a conversation about it" he started shaking his head pleading me not to do it and I immediately hugged him regretting what I said. "Please tell me what's wrong" he started crying badly.
"Am sorry, am so sorry hyung, am so selfish"
"What the fuck? What are you saying?"
"You are.....you are in pain and I only care about myself" oh shit! Did he? No he couldn't. "You were talking to Hyungwon yesterday about it, he said that you only take care of me and that you are in pain, I am so stupid and I don't care about anyone but myself"
"No you are not! Ki!!"
"Stop telling me that I don't cause I do! Stop telling me that it's fine cause it's definitely not! You shouldn't have searched for me, you should have left me there cause I deserved it, I should be dead it would be better for all of you....." he was breathing with a big difficulty and he was saying crazy things.
"KIHYUN SHUT UP!" I shouted and he immediately stopped "What you are saying is stupid and you are being selfish, would you leave us just like that!!! What about your family? What would they do if you had died? What about the group? We love you so much and what about me? You are my baby brother, yes it's been rough for me these days but I would have been much worse knowing that you are suffering or not knowing if you are alive or....you know," at this point I was sobbing as well and I had hugged Kihyun tightly. "Never say this again you idiot, none of us would continue without you"
"I'm sorry hyung, I...I didn't mean to...thank you for everything, please let me be there for you as well, I don't want you to hurt all alone"
"I promise Ki" I lied on the bed wit him for the rest of the night holding his small hand. What he said seemed so terrifying in my head, if my little brother died I wouldn't be able to live with the regrets of not being there for him
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