Paintings Of Him

Chapter 10 - Electricity

As soon as I walked into the kitchen the next morning and saw Corbin leaning against the counter, my heart practically skipped a beat. He was slouched lazily, a hand ruffling through his dark hair as he looked down at his phone. When I walked in, my mouth parted slightly and a sick feeling radiated through my stomach due to how nervous I was. 

He looked up and smiled awkwardly. "Hi."

"Hi" I mumbled, tucking a blonde strand of hair behind my ear and continuing to the fridge. I could feel his eyes on me as I took the orange juice out of the fridge and it made me feel like I was almost stuck trying to put on the perfect show for him. 

Even though I knew he didn't feel the same way and that he never would, it was such an instinct to try and do something, anything, to make him see me in a different light. Whether it was a darker light or a clearer light, I just willed it to be bright enough so that he could see me as something more than his best friend's twin sister. Anything more than the pathetic girl that has a crush on him that she has been dealing with for years. 

"So" he cleared his throat awkwardly, "have you thought about what you are going to do next? Are you looking for a job or...?"

I shrugged as I took a sip of my orange juice. "No idea."

His eyebrows furrowed in concentration as if he was trying to dissect his next thought, but it came tumbling out of his mouth anyway. He winced slightly, as if thinking about staying silent but in the end he looked up at me with strange eyes. 

"I think it was really brave" he confessed, scratching the back of his neck lightly, "what you did. Leaving college and coming back home to face everyone...it's brave."

I let out a deep sigh, shaking my head as I climbed up onto the counter across from him, swinging my legs gently. "Not that brave...I still can't work out how I am going to tell my own twin brother. I'm a coward."

He shook his head quickly, frowning slightly. "No, you're not" he insisted. "It must be harder to tell him than...anyone. You two are so close and I can imagine it must be hard to admit something like that."

I looked down sadly. "I feel like I'm letting him down more than anyone."

Corbin scoffed. "You aren't letting anyone down. You are doing what makes you happy, which is the most important thing. You need to put yourself first sometimes. But don't think of what you did as giving up...you just changed your mind. I'm sure you'll find something else to do soon and then you can make new plans."

I chuckled but it held no humor. "Yeah...I'm not so sure."

He looked up suddenly, moving closer with a determined look in his eyes. "What about painting?"

I shrugged. "What about it?"

He frowned at me. "You're incredible at it. Don't you love doing it? Can't you see yourself doing that for the rest of your life?"

"I would love to" I sighed. "But it isn't that simple, you know that it isn't, Corbin."

"You're the only one who is making it complicated" he raised his eyebrows. "You love it and want to do it for the rest of your life. So who's stopping you?" his face fell slightly and he lowered his voice slightly, "is it your parents?"

My voice was quiet. "You know what they think...it isn't something to make a career out of. Maybe they're right."

"Maybe they're wrong" he stepped closer, looking deep into my eyes. 

I looked down with a small scoff. "Why do you care about me painting so much anyway? Last time you saw any of my work it..." my voice trailed off awkwardly. "...it wasn't exactly something that you loved."