Paintings Of Him

Chapter 8 - Lost

The day that I had arrived at Princeton, it felt as if everything was going to change for good. Even though I knew that my best friend and brother were only a phone call away, things were still different. I knew that despite their longing to stay close, we would all get busy and eventually there would be less phone calls every week. Lois had chosen to go to a community college back home, promising that we would still call everyday. But part of me knew that this was just something that everyone said before they drifted apart. 

The grounds were extravagant, with crowds of people laughing or discussing work which set my head spinning, trying to catch up with everything. After picking up my schedule and finding my dorm, it all sank in and suddenly I just wanted to be back home, curled up in bed, painting to my hearts content. I knew that I would miss painting more than anything but this was my future, and I owed it to everyone to at least try my best. 

A girl was sat on the other side of my room when I walked in, chewing on the edge of her pencil silently. She had blonde bangs and a knitted green sweater that drowned her tall frame, everything about her intimidating me. She reluctantly looked up as I stepped closer to her bed awkwardly. 

"Hi" I introduced myself quietly, reaching a hand out. "I'm Clara. You must be Piper, my new roommate?"

She nodded and shook my hand quickly before going back to her work. "Yeah, I'm Piper."

I glanced at her nervously as I set my bags down. "What's your major?"

"Physics" she stated quietly, rubbing out some of her answers with an eraser. "You?"

"I'm majoring in Biology!" I smiled brightly. "Maybe we could study together some time or something. Both science lovers and all that..."

Piper furrowed her eyebrows slightly. "Sorry...but I work better alone. Other people just distract me. If you need help finding a study group I can recommend some."

My smile faded as I wiped my sweaty palms on my skirt gently. "I think I'm good, thank you though."

Piper went back to finishing off her work and I sat down on the bed silently, feeling terribly overwhelmed. Everyone that I had met or seen so far seemed so smart, so dedicated and so professional, perhaps even closed off. Even though I had been surrounded by my favorite subjects, with Biology books spread across my blanket, I had never felt so confused in my life at what I was supposed to be doing. 

After working out my schedule and exploring the campus on the first day, I had my first Biology class the next day, already running slightly late. It was a panic fueled morning, with Piper almost smirking at me as I rushed around, as if she had been expecting this kind of disaster to happen. Somehow by a miracle I had made it just on time, with several students filtering in to the lecture hall as I settled down in a chair at the back silently. The professor was a middle aged man with blonde hair, thin glasses perched on the edge of his nose and a stripy tie. He droned on for hours before letting us go, every minute ticking by until I could hardly stand it. 

At the end of the lecture I approached him with a small smile. "Good morning, Professor Bright" I cleared my throat quietly. "I thoroughly enjoyed the lecture you gave...I was wondering if there is anything you could tell me about the course that we will be starting, what specific topics will come up so that I can read ahead."

He sighed quietly, looking down at his list before squinting down at his sheet. "Miss...Page, right? Clara Page?" 

"Yes, sir" I swallowed nervously, sending him a large smile. 

"Miss Page, you should have already read through the prospectus and the course guide yesterday like everybody else. It gives a detailed review of the topics that will be covered and when you will need to read up on them" he explained briskly. 

My eyes widened with panic. "Oh, I know! I have already read the guide but I was just wondering if there was anything extra...I thought it would be best to speak to you in person about it."

"Is that all?" he raised an eyebrow slightly and I nodded eagerly as he span around collecting the rest of his papers. 

"Have a good day, sir!" I called out pathetically as he walked away, leaving me standing alone in the lecture hall, feeling more stupid by the minute. 

When I returned back to my dorm with hunched shoulders and a slight headache brewing, my mood deepened even further as I saw multiple figures sitting on the floor of our dorm room. Piper was sat laughing with some friends as they all exchanged notes, tucking their hair behind their ears. She looked up and saw me enter, her grin fading and she almost looked guilty as I felt my throat grow tight, wanting to let out a sob. 

"Clara, hey" she mumbled. "Sorry, my friends and I just wanted to study for a while."

I nodded understandingly, muttering under my breath shakily. "I thought you worked best alone..."

Before she could open her mouth to give off some excuse, I held up my phone quickly. "I need to make a few calls. I'll be back later, have fun studying."

I left the dorms,heading outside for better reception until I found a small oak tree that was unoccupied. I leaned against it, swallowing the sob climbing up my throat and ignoring the way that my lungs struggled to breath. Everything already felt so hard after two days and it felt like nothing would ever get better. A traitorous tear escaped my green eyes slowly as I whimpered, holding a hand over my mouth and glancing around to make sure that nobody was nearby to judge me. It felt like I was being childish and pathetic but all I wanted to do was to curl up at home and paint away all of my worries, with every stroke to the canvas lifting the weight off my chest like it always did. 

Maybe that is why I always used to paint Corbin, because it took some of the pressure off my chest almost like I was telling somebody. I might not have been confessing to him, but I was letting out some of the feelings for him that were locked up inside of my heart and it almost made it hurt less. 

Picking up the phone slowly, I dialed the number of someone that I had always relied on to make me feel better. I held my breath and my heart dropped as the phone went straight to voice mail. 

"Hi, this is Lois! I'm busy having fun at community college but if I like you enough, I'll consider calling you back. Bye!"

I sighed, letting another tear slip down my eye. I felt my breaths quicken as panic rose up my throat, feeling like the overwhelming fear was crushing me from inside. The fear that I would never be good enough or that I would never work out what I wanted to do with my life. Most of all, I felt like I had no one there. 

Giving it one last attempt, I dialed Jordan, hoping that he would see my name and immediately panic, answering it quickly. I bit my nails, holding back my soft cries as the phone continued beeping, every second making my chest tighten further. 

Finally the phone was picked up. 

"Hello?"

The deep voice was familiar but it was not the one that belonged to my twin brother. It was smoother, and I could hear faint laughing in the background. 

"H-Hi...is Jordan there?"

"Clara?" Corbin asked suddenly, shushing voices in the background. He seemed to go into a quieter place, his voice lowering with concern. "How is Princeton going so far?"

My voice was shaky. "Where is Jordan? Can I speak to h-him?"

"Clara...is everything okay? You seem weird...he is out at the moment he left his phone at the dorms, I'm looking after it until he gets back."

"I'm f-fine..." my voice was quiet. "Can you just get him to call me back when he is free? I really need to speak to him."

Corbin sighed quietly on the other line. "Is there anything I can help with? If something is wrong you can tell me-"

"Just get Jordan to call me back" I cut him off in a desperate tone. "Please."

Before he could reply I hung up, feeling more lost than I had ever felt before. 

xxx

Hope you all had amazing Christmas times! Happy New Year too! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I will be updating shortly so you should have two by the end of today to binge!! Leave a comment and vote, it makes my day!

~Jodie