Why Can't I Tell You

Salamanders & Porcupines

That evening Newt heard the door of the apartment open and close. Bits of conversation floated down into his case. Tina and Queenie were talking in hushed voices. He wasn't one to intrude or get into other people's business, but Newt climbed up a few steps and lifted the lid of his case a few centimeters.

"He asked me Queenie," Tina said sitting at the table and rubbing her eyes.

"What?" Queenie asked, confusion evident in her voice.

"Liverstad. He asked me out," Tina replied flatly.

"Felix? Felix Liverstad? The auror?" Queenie backtracked. Tina nodded and yawned. "Well, what did ya say?"

"I said I'd think about it," Tina replied looking up. The circles under her eyes were evident and her face was pale from lack of sleep. Queenie just nodded solemnly, her blue eyes troubled, filled with turmoil. "What's wrong Queenie?" Tina asked.

"Oh no, nothin'. You should probably go down, he's been waitin' for ya all day," Queenie said sadly, cocking her head towards Newt's case. Tina nodded and got up. Newt quickly clambered down the stairs and pretended to be busy with making potions for his creatures. An auror? She'd think about it? How could he measure up to that. His palms felt sweaty. I'm not good enough, I'm annoying, why would she ever want me here.

"Hey Newt," Tina replied, her voice raising goosebumps on his arms. Why?

"Hello Tina," he choked out quickly, his words trembling.

"So how are they?" Tina asked gesturing out towards where all of the habitats were. Newt still hadn't looked at her as he harshly smashed herbs and leaves.

"Good, umm...the erumpent is having some digestive issues though, and the niffler has a small cold. It's all easily treatable. The occamies put up a fuss..." Newt was talking very fast, and his hands were shaking as he handled a vial with a clear liquid in it. It broke with a loud shatter as his sweaty palms couldn't grip it any longer. There was silence, Tina had been staring down at his hands. Newt swallowed.

"Newt..." she started, her eyes trained on his hands, still frozen in mid-air.

"So sorry," he began, "that was...an accident..." He couldn't finish because Queenie and Jacob descended, more like tumbled, down the stairs. They started giggling uncontrollably as they attempted to disentangle themselves from each other.

"Hey Newt, Teenie, I was just tellin' Jacob 'bout patronuses. He was very interested so I was wonderin' if we could all show him ours," Queenie said. There was more silence, Queenie read Newt and Tina's minds, their thoughts were still focused on the previous event. "It would be fun," she prodded.

"That sounds like a fun idea," Tina finally said. Newt nodded.

"Okay then, I'll start," Queenie said, "Expecto patronum!" A silvery white wisp escaped her wand, and suddenly a raccoon formed, rolling around, pawing the air. Jacob laughed, pure glee showing on his face. Smiles crossed the lips of Newt and Tina too.

"That really suits you," Newt said. Queenie beamed at him.

"Who's next?" she exclaimed.

"I'll go," Tina said, "Expecto patronum!" A powerful wisp of white escaped her wand forming into a... salamander. A puzzling look crossed her face as the creature whipped its tail and slithered around the four of them.

"A salamander?" Jacob asked when it faded away. Tina looked at him, befuddlement still clear on her face.

"It changed," Queenie said for her.

"Can they do that?" Jacob directed the question at Newt, "Can they transform like that?" He motioned with his finger toward the air where the salamander used to be.

"Yes," Newt replied simply.

"You go," Queenie said. Newt drew his wand and uttered the words. A porcupine formed from his wand, scampering around, hesitating near Tina, showing off its quills. Now it was Newt's turn to be perplexed. All of the color suddenly drained from his face. He met eyes with Tina. The air was very tense.

"What's going on?" Jacob asked, "Am I missin' somethin' here?" Queenie took him by the elbow and led him to the staircase.

"We're gonna start dinner," Queenie called out. The lid closed with a resounding thud.

"Newt?" Tina broke the silence, "What's going on?" She didn't expect to see what she saw when she looked in Newt's eyes. They were rimmed red and full of moisture. He had a distant look to him, looking at a spot on Tina's shoulder again. A tear snaked its way down his cheek. Tina brought her palm up to his cheek and wiped it away with her thumb, quickly retracting her hand. "Newt," she whispered. He looked up into her eyes. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the picture Queenie had given him.

"That's you," he croaked, it came out as more of a question. Tina looked down at the picture in his hands and smiled.

"Yeah," she said, "that's me and Queenie at Ilvermorny." Newt smiled a watery smile, more tears finding their way down his cheeks. "Newt, seriously, what's wrong, have I done something wrong?" Tina asked, fear enlaced in her voice.

"Mine changed," Newt said. Tina looked up suddenly. Newt looked down at the photograph and back at Tina. He raised a finger up to trace the contour of Tina's cheek.