Elsie-Rae's got Double D's

causin' a storm in benidorm

I knew I shouldn't have agreed to go on that date with Michael, because now I've got another person who's stopped speaking to me. In a way I should be happy, I mean he was nothing but a pest anyway, but again, it's like a kick in the teeth. He's ignored me at work ever since that night, and he was the one who'd said no hard feelings.

I know I've been a bit quiet lately, but I've been away haven't I? And it's not like I could take my diary with me, I'd of been a laughing stock. Whatever I'd written wouldn't have made much sense anyway, I spent the whole time wasted.

I went to Benidorm with Katie and Lisa my mate's from school, I know it's kind of chavvy, but we've done it every year since we left school and it's just really nice for the three of us to spend time together, cos we don't really see each other all that much these days. It was also the first time I'd ever done the trip single.

We ended up playing bingo and doing the nightly quiz with a load of OAP's before we went out clubbing; they were fucking mental! It was our second to last night when a fight broke out during the quiz - Barbie a regular accused a newbie of cheating, to be fair, she was on her phone the whole time, so she probably was cheating. It didn't matter how much she protested her innocence, Barbie wasn't having any of it, she slung a pint in her direction and then her mate Margie threatened to run her over with her scooter.

I could only hope that we were that off our tits when we're in our sixties.

This one night I decided to have an early night, not really early it was like 1.30 am, I know, I know, it sounds stupid, but I had a really bad headache, so I thought an early night was a good idea. It wasn't, it was a bad idea. I got woken up less than an hour later by two fellas screaming at each other in German. What a pair of inconsiderate wankers, okay, so I understand German, but not when it's being shouted and screeched at a hundred miles per hour — they could've at least had the decency to argue in English if they were going to wake me up. I didn't have a clue what they were saying.

I thought it was all going to kick off, and well, who doesn't love a good scrap? But then the friends of one of them managed to drag him away, what a disappointment! I picked up one of Lisa's flip-flops and slung it over the balcony at one of them and called him an effing twat in my best German accent.

Bumped into Ben's mum as well, I guess she must be spending more time there than she is at home these days — can't say as I blame her. She insisted that we join her for cocktails, "right, selfie time," she said getting her phone out of her bag. "That's going straight on Facebook," she said with a smile, to be honest, I didn't mind, it was a good photo. My phone buzzed a little while later, that bastard Ben had liked the photo.

I went to the horseracing with Aaron yesterday, I hadn't been before, but he told me that there would be loads of fit, rich blokes there and that we could drink as much champagne as we wanted, so I was quite looking forward to it.

And then Aaron turned up on my doorstep wearing tweed and a flat cap, he looked like a right idiot. "What are you dressed like that for?" I'd asked him, and he'd laughed at me as if I was some sort of moron.

"This is the country gentleman look," he'd said, "all the blokes at the racing will be dressed like this."

"But you hate the countryside."

"That's not the point is it, I've got to fit in and look the part. You never know, I meet the man of my dreams."

He's a right bloody idiot. But he wasn't wrong most of the blokes there were dressed as if they'd just done a fashion shoot for Harris Tweed. Bloody toffs!