Elsie-Rae's got Double D's

m̶a̶n̶'̶s̶ woman's best friend

I ran all the way home from work yesterday, okay, it was more of a fast walk, but I was full of excitement for the lottery draw. I'd sat in the living room and squealed with delight when the first number drawn matched mine, the second and third didn't, but I didn't give up hope.

Three numbers, I had matched three numbers on the EuroMillions lottery draw, I knew it, I knew today would be a lucky day. Colin, my mum's poodle had looked at me with despair and disgust when I'd jumped on the sofa and then kissed him. I raced down the shop to collect my winnings; I was expecting a big payout. It was a tenner on the normal lottery for three numbers, and the EuroMillions was known for its big prize fund, so you can probably imagine how I felt when Toby handed over nine quid. Nine measly quid, that was all I got, and it had cost me two pounds for my ticket in the first place.

Okay, so I wasn't a millionaire, yet, but life was definitely on the up, but because it's me, nothing stays good for long. That was when I saw them - Ben and the new girlfriend walking in through the gate. His mum would be away on her annual 'Babes in Benidorm' week, so he'd make the most of a free house like we used to. He had his hand on her waist and bag in the other. They kissed, and then he unlocked the front door, she went in first, and Ben looked back lovingly at his car before following her inside.

We couldn't hide in the bushes for too long; people might see us and think I'm some sort of weirdo. Colin and I trudged past the shiny red car, and as we did so, he cocked his leg by the driver's side door and sprayed up the side of it. I always knew Colin had my back, even if he did growl at me when I sat in his armchair.

So, I've got a date tomorrow, it'll be a welcome distraction from everything, I suppose.

"You know how my car has been in the garage and I've been getting the bus into work?" my mum said as we sat down to breakfast this morning.

I think everyone knew her car was in the garage and she was taking the bus into work, all she did was moan about it — it never arrived on time, there was nowhere to sit and when she did find somewhere to sit she'd always get a right stinker come and sit next to her.

"Well, I was talking to Jan the driver, he's single too. I've set you up on a date, tomorrow night, he'll meet you in Two Scoops at 6 pm."

The ice cream cafe, great, what did she think we were twelve? "I'm not going," I said. "I don't even know what he looks like."

"Here," she said, holding her phone out towards me. Of course, she would have a photo of him, she thinks of everything.

"Okay, I'll go." I mean you'd have to be daft not too; he was bloody gorgeous. "Anyway, I heard the best way to get over one man is to get under another," I said with a smile. That advice crops up all the time in magazines and girl chat.

I don't think my mum was a fan of that bit of advice because the next thing I knew a piece of toast was flying through the air and the buttery side hit me in the cheek.

I went on that date with Jan the Polish bus driver last night, I mean it wasn't a complete disaster — Two Scoops does have the best ice cream.

Jan's English wasn't perfect, and my Polish is non-existent, but after ten vodka shots kissing is universal in any language.

All that ice cream and vodka didn't mix well; I think it must have curdled in my stomach when he insisted on spinning me around to some shit songs the DJ in Enigma was playing. Some of the vomit ended up on his shirt, but most of it went on the dance floor and he went arse-over-tit.

I don't think we'll see each other again.

My mum keeps asking me how things went with Jan, apparently, he hasn't been at work this week, I kinda feel bad, maybe he really hurt himself when he slipped over. No, we definitely won't see each other again, but I think it's for the best; maybe I shouldn't date anyone for a while.