Elsie-Rae always fancied having Double D's and that's exactly what she got after her boyfriend Ben dumped her, since that night in McDonald's car park her life has been one disaster and dilemma after another.
Now, she must learn to live her...
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I wish I could say the night ended after I'd asked Ben to take me home, but it didn't.
"I never meant to hurt you," he said during the drive back.
What did he expect to happen? That he was going to dump me and everything would be okay? Of course, he meant it. "Is it true? That you know? You and her?" I couldn't even ask him properly if it was true that he'd been seeing some girl he worked with while we were still together, that's how pathetic I was. And the truth is, I don't think I would've even been able to cope hearing him admit it.
He didn't look at me for a while; he pretended to concentrate on the road, and when he didn't say anything I knew that it was true. "Let's go inside and talk," Ben said touching me on the shoulder, that's when I realised we were parked up out the front of his mum's place.
"Things just happened," he said pouring us both a drink.
There it was, that was his admission of guilt, I guess. The rumours were true; if I'd had any sort of backbone, I'd of smacked him across the face and walked out. But then he started talking again.
"I didn't mean for it to happen; it wasn't planned it just happened," Ben looked like he might cry, and I won't lie I kind of wanted him to. "I never stopped loving you though even after all this time I still love you, and I know you love me too."
I downed my drink as I listened to him, he sounded pathetic, but that was all it took to pull me back in.
"We had a good thing; we can have it again if you want. C'mon, let me show you how much I've missed you," he said taking me by the hand and leading me upstairs.
It was nothing like I'd imagined it would be. I thought that it would be some perfect moment between the two of us, like going back home. I'd expected it to be familiar, but it wasn't, Ben's body didn't fit mine in the same way as it used to. We might as well have been strangers, and I guess that's what were, after all those months apart there was nothing left of what used to be.
"It doesn't change anything Elsie," he said when it was over. "We're not going to be together, it was just sex," he said as I got dressed.
In a way, I'd already realised that, but still, it stung to hear it said out loud.
"What did you think was going to happen? That I'd fall in love with you again? How could I? I've heard you've been getting around the town."
I don't even know what he meant by that. Because all that had happened was a drunken snog with Shaun and a few dates that amounted to nothing with Dean — yeah, I wish more had happened between the two of us, but it's a blessing I suppose, I'd only have been heartbroken again. Did that really make me a bad person? Was I going to end up alone forever?
"Elsie?" he said, lifting my face to look at him, and for one minute I thought he was going to apologise, but then I remembered this was Ben and he's never apologised and meant it.
"I don't know if I ever really loved you; there's not much that's worth loving — you're stupid and too skinny, you were just convenient, always have been. I'm glad we didn't end up having that kid, you would have been the worst mother, an embarrassment. Do you just sleep with anyone who shows you the tiniest bit of attention?"
Had Ben always been such a massive bellend? I couldn't remember, maybe I loved him so much that I didn't notice it before.
I ran up the road blinded by tears, but it was okay, I knew the way from Ben's house back to mine like the back of my hand, I'd done it so many times in the past. I'd done it on that day when I was fifteen; I'd ran from his house in tears and burst in through the front door nearly knocking my younger brother out in the process.
"Elsie? What's wrong?" Sam asked as I slammed the door behind me.
"You were right, what you said earlier. Before I went out, you were right about everything."
"What's happened?"
"It's nothing. I'm going to bed," I said, I wasn't in the mood to argue with Sam.
All I could do was hope that in the morning everything would be okay; that Ben's words wouldn't still hurt as much after a good nights sleep. But first I needed to go in the shower, I needed to get the scent of that bastard Ben off me, it clung to me like a second skin making me feel sick. I could've showered forever, and it still wouldn't have been long enough to wash away the words Ben had said to me — those things he'd said to me were branded on me now, and it would take a long time to erase them. Why don't people realise how much their words can affect someone?
