Stigma | KTH ✔

29 | Letting Go

This chapter is incredibly special to me.

Ever since July 2017 when I took my daily stroll through the forest, listening to Stigma, I daydreamed about this particular scene that for some reason kept coming back to me. Along with that, more vivid scenarios started playing in my head involving these two particular characters. Little did I know that these specific daydreams would eventually build up to one book I never would have written if I hadn't come across the seven adorable, humble, talented and silly guys which we know as BTS.

Now, a year and a half later, I've finally turned my vivid vision of this chapter into words.

Take your time reading this one ♥

♣ ♣ ♣

It's been two days since I talked to Jin -- or talked to anyone, really. And these two days has been confusing, to say the least.

I've been going back and forth with myself. Digging deep into the depths of my heart's desires, but more so into the unexplored wilderness that is the logical part of my brain that I sadly haven't used ever since I laid my eyes on Taehyung. He lured me into his trap too damn easily, enchanted me with his charms as if I were a puppy and he was waving a treat in front of my nose.

I hate it. I hate how easy it was for him. But I'm so incredibly terrified of how easy it was for me to break down because of him -- terrified how he's become such a huge part of me that I'm actually scared of the mere thought of not being with him.

That's why I finally decided that I can't continue like this.

I have to end this before it's too late.

This option came to me almost immediately after I had spoken to Jin, and I almost dismissed it as fast as it came up. But in all honesty, that's the only choice I have. It was incredibly difficult to accept this decision -- it took me two days of crying and intensive ice-cream eating to accept that caring so much for another human being is unhealthy.

And tonight, I'm finally ready to talk to him.

I will probably regret it. I will probably hate myself for a while. But in the end, it's for my own good.

To: TaeRude
I'm ready to talk

♣

My entire body is shaking when I see Taehyung's car stop in front of my house exactly five minutes after I sent him the text. My gut has completely turned itself inside out due to the immense nervousness that is currently drowning me, a thin layer of cold sweat covering every inch of my skin in a not-so attractive way. All colour that once tinted my face has completely drained, leaving a white-gray-purple canvas that's radiating anything but an appealing sight to witness.

I definitely did not look forward to face Taehyung looking like Frankenstein's bride.

Before opening the door, I urge myself to take a very deep breath and gather courage to remain at least a little bit calm.