Defixio

Zeus Vs Technology

Zeus left the bank in a rush, hoping to get as far away from the people who may want to kill him (a.k.a. the men and women in pink hats). He walked down the busy street-- in his new clothes of course-- and then the skies opened up and began to soak Zeus down to his bones. 

In order to get out of the sudden downpour, Zeus hurried into the nearest store. He looked around the huge store; he was surrounded by metal tablets varying in size and color. The walls were white and a large white apple was in the center of one of the walls behind a counter. Suddenly, a siren went off as Zeus continued to move further into the store. A man popped up behind him and began spouting something about winning a free I-Phone VI-- Zeus had no idea what an I-Phone was, but the excited glance and smiles he was garnering were rather new, and he was going to enjoy it all for the next five seconds lest he rot here for all eternity!

He was handed a small case emblazoned with an apple, the same as the hanging sign outside. Along with the case came a large manual which connected mysteriously to the small tablet that seemed to have a multiple of functions which Zeus could not wait to discover and try out (or, at least, push buttons in no certain order or tempo).

After the rain had stopped and the phone was "charged," Zeus went outside and found a spot in a nearby pub where he ordered their finest beverage, which happened to be a large pint of imported beer. When he was seated, he was able to take out the "phone" and begin the process of figuring out how to work it. Zeus opened up the phone and was somehow able to fill out the little amount of information needed, and soon he was in the apple play store trying to conceptualize the purpose of an "app" actually. Somehow, he figured out how to use the controls on the phone and promptly downloaded the popular social media appendage Instagram. As Zeus was scrolling through his new entertainment source, a suggested account caught his eye. The name read "Kim Kardashian," whoever that meant. However, while he was scrolling through the scantily-clad filled pictures this woman continually posted, he instantly became infatuated with her self-reflexive, high-rolling lifestyle. (But honestly, it takes a self-promoting media whore to know another, doesn't it?)

Her body seemed strangely augmented unlike anyone he had ever seen before, goddesses included. This "Kim" was on a "reality show" which to Zeus seemed akin to a play but also to a comedy, an erotic comedy, his favorite kind! Zeus knew that her people were his people, and where she was and in her reality was where he obviously belonged. Her airbrushed, exaggerated image was perfect. Coincidentally, he was perfect, so they had to fit together!

So that is how, after much web surfing and Instagram liking, Zeus made up his mind to travel to this Hollywood to become a famous reality star, just like this Kim Kardashian. He stood up from the table and walked to the nearest chariot-without-horses stop. As he was waiting, Zeus began to scroll more thoroughly through the piece of fruited technology. He fell in love with Instagram and began to create his profile.

Zeus_King_Of_The_Gods

Zeus

Just your average all-powerful king. Don't double cross me or you'll end up suffering in Tartarus.⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

He then posted a photo of his foot, his first selfie attempt, captioned with a lightning bolt emoji because he had yet to learn that he could always go back and retake the photo.

The bus came, and Zeus got on it. The top of the bus said NEXT STOP: STRASBURG. Zeus lacked the geographical knowledge to know the exact location of Strasburg or even the fact that Strasbourg is a city in Virginia.

On the back of the bus, Zeus was able to stare at a map of some sort. He saw their route and decided that it would be for the best if he just settled in for a little while. An add appeared on the little screen in front of him advertising a beer which gave Zeus the idea to brew his own beer for money, but the idea soon disappeared as his eyes caressed the scantily clad woman advertising the product. It was if modern North America was made for him and his base desires.

~-^-~

It was probably a good thing that Zeus and Hera did not know about the other gods' and goddess' involvement in the whole "trapping them in a different timeline." But man, it was hilarious for the new rulers of Mt. Olympus to watch their old king and queen try to take navigate 21st-century life.

The betting was still going on; Apollo kept increasing his bets on Hera's fluid sexuality as he watching Hera and an Asian chick talked animatedly. They all laughed mercilessly at Zeus' aroused response to Kim Kardashian, well everyone but Artemis and Persephone. And Hades when he realized his wife wasn't laughing, he stopped chuckling. (Smart boy. He learns fast.)

The group of new rulers sat around drinking and partaking in treats that they rarely, if ever, ate.

Free from the rules Zeus and Hera (mostly Hera) implemented about being "good examples," the other immortals luxuriated in the freedom. (Ironic, I know, because who would purposely set up the gods of Mt. Olympus as good examples of anything? I mean some of them are okay. . . but they never get above okay. . . ever.

Especially Apollo.

Speaking of Apollo, there was an underground bet going around that Apollo would face Zeus' fate if he continued flirting with Persephone. Imagine having Zeus and Apollo together. . . in the same technologically advanced universe. All the gods and goddesses already felt guilty for the inevitable future armageddon caused by the arrival of Zeus and Hera. Adding Apollo the asshole would be like automatically sending humanity all straight to Tartarus.

All the deities laughed that thought off. It had been hard enough to set up the inaugural curse tablet run through anyway. Plus, Hecate was bloody terrifying. Hades was going to ask her to do it originally, but he wussed out at the last second, the actual last second.

He and Persephone (who came as "moral support" with a video camera) were at Hecate's front door, and Hades had already knocked when poof, Hades, just disappeared, leaving his poor wife to do his job again.

Let's just say, at the next family meeting, Hades has to bring the snacks to feed his entire family.

Gods do not eat light.

And everybody is related.

He is very, very, screwed.

Which made all the other Gods and Goddesses laugh their asses off

Including his wife.