Defixio

Hera Vs Joke Writing 101

Previously on Hera Vs the Manilla Folder:

 "Well, it seems the other 'gods' basically gave you a whole life. An entire background. Obviously, I can't go over everything right here, right now, but I can sum it up for you. So you were born in Athens, you are 26 years old, got your masters in counseling, the funny thing though is that there is no marriage license in here."

"Marriage license?"

"Yeah, it's what legally says you are married, and you don't have one. Which means you are not legally married."

Hera met Sakiya's gaze, "You are telling me that I never have to see that back-stabbing, abusive, ass-hole, cheating husband named Zeus ever again? That I have no connection to him what so ever?"

"That is exactly what I am saying, Hera," Sakiya grinned and put her hand over Hera's clenched fist.

Now: 

Hera spent the rest of Sakiya's shift going through what papers the gods provided her. When Sakiya was finished with her work day, Hera and Sakiya went back to the apartment.

"I think I have a friend who could give you a job, I mean you don't have to be a marriage counselor, but she runs a company that specializes in therapy, and she does need a marriage counselor-" Sakiya seemed to wander off as she read something on her phone and began to walk over to the couch and slump down onto it. Hera walked behind her and sat down beside Sakiya, looking over her shoulder to see that was displayed on the screen. It was covered in little bubbles filled with words (Hera had no clue what a phone was, let alone texting.)

"Sakiya?" Hera's voice jerked the girl out of her thoughts which focused on her texting. 

"Oh, sorry, back to you!" Her voice seemed happy, so Hera just played it off like no big deal. "So I'll text my friend about a position, but in the meantime, we should put together your first act."

Hera smiled at the woman next to her and laughed once more, "You will have to explain how to make these jokes, you know, I lack any worthwhile knowledge about this topic."

So Sakiya began to explain the process of coming up with ideas and how to write jokes. She ended up pulling out her phone and showing Hera some of Sakiya's favorite stand up comedians: Ilzia Schlesinger, Fluffy, or Trevor Noah. But after a while, she started showing Hera all of these comedy shows like Saturday Night Live (with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler) or the Late Show with Stephan Colbert. Then she started showing Hera the political comedians: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, or the Daily Show.

After about an hour of the two of them watching political satire and stand up, Hera began to pause the videos on YouTube and began to write things down. She went deep into her memories of all the infamous times where her ex-husband had cheated on her, but she changed them up, modernized them with the help of Sakiya (you know, to seem, normal, and not made up.)

Hera and Sakiya could not stop laughing at the jokes that they were coming up with or with the fact that what Hera was saying had actually happened. 

"They do not teach that Zeus was legitimately afraid of you," Sakiya was laughing so hard that she was almost crying.

"Not scared enough not to cheat though; it was honestly a horrible cycle," Hera answered, laughing along with her roommate.  Sakiya's laughter died down after a while as she looked over the notes and jokes they had written. There was a lot of material, and there were some really funny jokes. 

"Hey, so the bar has a Stand-Up night every other Friday. If we keep working, you could be ready to perform by February. There are a lot of acts, and some are better than others, but everyone is really supportive. You should think of doing it, and taking it beyond writing these jokes."

That made Hera laugh: "It is one thing to write these, but it is another to perform them. I doubt that I can make any normal person laugh; it is one of those things that show I'm different."

Sakiya moved closer to Hera and wrapped an arm around her, "You belong here, Hera, no matter what you think."

"I belong where I can be one of those hateful bitches everyone thinks that I am," she sighed, thinking about what all the stand-up comedians had been talking about for the past two or three hours, "where everyone would want me to be."

"I don't think that about you," Hera cut Sakiya off before she could finish.

"Anymore- you don't think that about me anymore. The first time you saw that video, when you translated what I said, what did you honestly think about me?" Sakiya remained quiet for one second too long. "That's what I thought," Hera grimaced, "you thought I was bat-shit crazy, didn't you? You thought that I was going to just defile your--our-- whole gender and keep blaming the woman because people don't change," Hera's voice slowed. "People don't change, Sakiya, but I'm trying Little Blossom. I'm really trying. I was raised to believe all these things and I had no other way to survive. I had to survive in that ancient world full of war and bloody gladiatorial fights and so much else. I never thought that there was a world beyond that, I always figured that I was lucky, to be in such a high place of power. That--"

Sakiya was so tired of listening to the ex-goddess talking about how screwed she was. She was already blushing because Hera had just admitted she was doing this for her. That Hera, the Goddess of Marriage infamous in Greek Mythology, was trying to change her entire way of life just to be accepted by one little outcast. 

By one lost soul in a sea surrounded by found souls.

By one messed up, lost girl, whose family still would not talk to her because of what she had told them two months ago. 

By one person who finished her degree in Classics last year and still works in an LGBTQ+ bar, even though her dream is to go to Greece and Italy and spend a year abroad doing research as an archaeologist in what was Ancient Greece. 

So that girl who is tired of being stuck where she is, who is trying to make amends for something she cannot control, who is growing rather tired of all of the hot ex-goddess' complaints about how horrible of a person she was just leaned forward and kissed Hera.

That made her shut up immediately.