Broken Inside

05. His confusion

Gaining conscious after hours swara got up from the bed with great difficulty and sat properly resting her back in the bed post and held her head wailing painfully with her eyes closed tightly.

"Ah..... God it's paining like hell." swara mumbled while her eyes turned moist due to the heavy headache she had. It was too painful for her that she felt her head would burst out in any moment. The pain was extremely unbearable that her eyes turned moist. 

Caroline who saw swara awake painfully whining quickly sat beside swara and caressed her hair. She really wished that she could help swara somehow to get rid out of the pain and suffering she was going through. Feeling a warmth 

"Mom.. it's paining" Swara's eyes blurred in tears as she tried her best not to cry aloud. Caroline quickly took swara in her embrace. It hurted her everytime when she saw her daughter facing,  struggling and fighting with pain. She didn't know an angel like swara was suffering when she had no fault. Every ounce of cell in her body ached badly but her will power was much stronger. If it was not her will power then she would have not made it up to the position she was at the moment. Though she found it tiring at the start soon it turned to be her routine of fighting within herself to stay strong. 

"First brush up your teeth and come." Caroline said softly and helped swara to get up from the bed and held her till the restroom.

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Swara looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was pale as white chalk with bags under her eyes. She seems to have lost weight once again as she saw her cheeks more prominent that the last week with her eyes all red and skin turning cold. Opening the tap, she splashed the water on her face harshly and the deeds she did last night came like a film infront of her eyes. The more she remembered she splashed the water more harder on her face. 

Once again she had tried to hurt her mom without her own conscious. It happens everytime and she end up hurting her. Being still unhealed she was unintentionally hurting her mom who standing as a pillar of support and strength to her everytime she fell weak. 

Splashing more water on her face, she took the towel and wiped her face.

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Seeing swara coming out caroline quickly held her and made her sit. Caroline started feeding her breakfast and swara took it all silently. Caroline though found something was wrong she kept it quite and handed over the medicines. Swara quickly gulped in the pills silently.

Caroline made her to take her medicines too. Swara looked at the clock which showed at 9 a.m

"You didn't go for the institution today, mom?" Swara asked as she saw the time which was passed her working time.

"No, I've got special permission. I'll be going at 10:00" Caroline placed the medicines back. Swara lied on caroline's lap still felling guilty. Her guilt was eating her from inside making her heart feel a ton. Caroline caressed her hairs lovingly. Swara wondered what she did that her mom has always loved her.   

"I'm sorry Mom." Swara closed her eyes tightly regretting how she pushed her yesterday.

"Swara, that's okay. You didn't do that on purpose" Caroline explained.

Swara got up and hugged her.

"I'm sorry" swara repeated continuously.

Caroline pulled her out from the hug and caught both her shoulders.

"It's you who's not doing this swara, it's just you are still not out from that....... It's okay leave your mom is fine and she's not got hurt, get that straight into your mind.... You are too weak and paler than before so take rest and don't stress yourself okay?" Caroline said.