Letting You Go

2 | Beside You

Halloween 2010

"Are you finally going to see a doctor?" I asked her as we sat on the couch at her house.

She missed school again today. She had been complaining of joint pains and had a fever for a few days.  She had lost some weight too.  She was complaining of not having much appetite.  I thought it was a bad case of flu. 

Too early for flu since it hadn't been really that cold yet. The beginning of the month had been tough for her. She seemed to be always tired and napped more than usual. She had been sluggish, too.

"I am fine. I am just bummed we are missing Halloween because of this stupid flu that can't seem to go away." She said as she leaned her head on my shoulder while I surfed the channels on their TV remote. 

"Maybe we should walk around the block to get some fresh air,"  I said to her since we can't decide what to watch.

The crisp autumn air had finally come. Even if I can still smell the salt in the air coming from the ocean, there's no doubt that fall had arrived. There's the crunch of leaves under our feet and the smell of cinnamon and apples filled the houses along our street. We held hands and watched younger kids go trick or treating one house after the other. Erin shivered right next to me. 

"Cold, babe?" I pulled her closer to me and wrapped my arm around her hoping it would give her extra warmth. 

"I told you. You should have gotten a thicker jacket than what you're wearing." I added.

"I think we should head back. I feel tired already." She replied.

I turned around and saw we just walked half a block. I worry about her; She was not her usual self. 

"Ok babe." Was all I can say. 

Before we reached their house, she turned to me and pulled the lapel of my jacket closer to her.

"Jacob, I want you to tell my mom to take me to the hospital.  I think I need to get checked.  I feel something is not right with me. I'm afraid if I tell her she will panic and will immediately think of the worst things. If you can casually suggest it to her she will take it as you, being overly concern and will not think much of it, is that all right?"

The moment she finished, I felt my heart slammed on my chest. I immediately got nervous. Never have I ever heard Erin complain of anything. That was the first time she admitted that she's not doing okay. I trusted her instinct and my gut told me what she had was probably more than just a flu. 

December 2010 

I was sitting again on the most uncomfortable chair I have ever been on. There was no getting used to it even if I have sat here for several weeks now. I just got here.  I have been driving here every day after school. 

The hospital room where Erin was staying was very white and cold. The bathroom was on the right side when you enter. Her bed was by the right wall of the room and by the foot of her bed were two olive green, cushioned chairs that I thought was a throwback from the 70s. By the window is the long table that has wheels at the bottom and we used to serve her food. There was not much to see outside as we were facing a parking lot.

I watched her sleep. She was finally sleeping after days of telling me she's not comfortable, her mouth tasted like metal, and she was hungry, but she can't keep her food down. I had been forcing her to drink a lot of water as the doctor said it was very important to keep hydrated.

Sometimes she listened other times she just dismissed me. She even got upset at me one time for being pushy. I said nothing anymore because I know she probably felt like hell.