Letting You Go

5 | With Vengeance

August 2011

I had exactly two weeks to go before I leave for college. Erin held off a year to give herself more time to recover. She had plans of traveling the East Coast to take pictures and basically to take some time off for herself. We spent the past of couple of weeks between the beach and trips to the city. It was a very laid back summer for us.

I sometimes slept on the couch at her house. There were nights wherein she would sleep in mine. My parents didn't like the idea at first, but to appease them when Erin would come over, I let her take my bedroom and I would sleep in the living room. We felt that we had to be in the same space. We were inseparable.

"I'm will miss you," I said to her as I rub her back.

"You will be great at Rutgers, Jacob. I'll be there next year I promise. It was just too much for now. I just want to take it easy. Although I am still not sure if I want to take engineering. I'm sorry. I know we have talked about this, but I think I am leaning more towards music." She said.

"That's all right, baby. Whatever makes you happy." I said, kissing her on the temple.

"Want something to drink?"

"Sure. What you got?" I asked.

"Let me go see. Mom just went to the grocery store earlier today. Maybe she got some soda." She replied then stood up, but didn't move.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I feel my legs kind of tingly. Maybe it's just sleeping." She chuckled. "You know how you have been sitting for a long time, and your muscles sleep? Maybe this is what it is. Give me a minute."

September 2011

"The cancer is back." The doctor said to us.

That afternoon that Erin noticed her leg was 'sleeping' was already a sign that her cancer came back and had grown on her spine. What struck me the most is the face of her doctor when he broke the news. When he told us it was more aggressive this time, he looked at Erin's parents and shook his head. He requested to talk to them in private, so I took Erin outside and we went for a walk.

She has to hold on to me for support as she has been having a hard time walking.

"Let's go sit on the bench here," I said to her.

"What's on your mind, Jacob?" She asked.

"Well, we will just do what we did before I guess. I am sure Dr. Shtern is now discussing the course of action and treatment with your folks." I replied.

"What if this is the one?" She looked at me, worry etched on her face.

"The one what?" I replied confused.

"The one that will finally kill me?" She answered.

"I will not think of it that way if I were you. You will fight like last time. Maybe harder, but I will be there as always." I assured her.

"I don't want to go through that again, Jacob. It was hell. You know that."

"I know, but what are you going to do? Just give up?" I understand Erin's apprehension about going through another bout of treatment. It was not fun for her, even for me.

"You know you gotta do it. You cannot give up now. You came out of it victorious. I am sure you can do it again." I encouraged her. 

"I guess there's no way to find out until I try, right? Everything is going great. I have outlined my travel plans and places I wanted to see. Ugh. I can't believe this is happening again." She said, then rested her head on my shoulder.