Malice

-9

-John-

Theodora clutched her satin sheets against her naked body, tears ran down her smooth face, mixing with mascara. She still managed to look so damn beautiful-but not as beautiful as Reagan. No, she didn't even hold a candle to my wife. All of the nights I had spent with Theo, thinking that I truly needed her to function had been a lie. A lie that I had made myself believe. Never once had I told her I loved her...She was just there, shaping me into who I was now, a man with a sick and sinister problem. "Now you're going to do this? Now...After the day we've had with Matthew. Didn't that mean anything to you, John? And what was even the point in dragging to this god damn bed, huh?" Theo demanded through her teeth. Actually, she had dragged me here. She was pissed and I was wondering if this was the best or worst decision of my life. 

I glowered at her as I pulled my slacks on, "This has absolutely nothing to do with Matthew and you know it. So don't go there." I threatened her. He was my son...he would always been my son and aside from Reagan, he was the most important thing to me. My mistress, the mother of my child, gripped the sheets tighter and her face flushed deeper with anger. 

"So then it's Reagan...the bitch who can't even give you a baby. She is a lousy wife and lousy woman. Go ahead and do what you want to but don't think you will ever see him again after this." She turned her chin up and swiped violently at her wet cheeks. If the child didn't adore her so much I would have went over there and strangled the life out of her for threatening me with my son. 

I yanked my shirt on instead, forced the red hot anger that was clouding my vision to dissipate. I hadn't told her that I was ending our relationship for good, just that I needed a break for a little while. We had argued in the bed and when I got up to dress, that was when the tears came. The shitty thing was, they didn't phase me. Theo didn't have a place in my acid black heart. She was an object that I could stick my cock in whenever I needed a fix. Not anymore. Why? I had Reagan who was so much more than just an object. She was my wife and I'd been fucking up for far to long...I'd nearly lost her, acting like an animal. I was the problem. 

"I don't have time for this." I replied and sat down to slip my shoes on. It was either that or seriously hurt her. I didn't want to hurt her. Not the hateful bitch who had given me my son. Why couldn't it have been Reagan? I asked myself that for a long time now and I probably would forever. 

Theo threw the sheets off then and crawled across the bed. Very much still naked, she came to me and knelt in front of me...looked up at me with her frosted, moist eyes, pleading. "I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean that. I would never keep him away from you but please don't-" 

Before she would go on, I stood up, knocking her away. "You're right Theo, you can't keep me away from him. No body can or no body fucking better try." I growled and that was the truth. I killed for the fun of it and I'd do without even thinking twice when it came to my child. The child I should never have given rights away to Theo's Aunt Katherine. What would Reagan have done if I offered to take him? What would she have done if I would have brought him home and begged for forgiveness? Accepted him? Spat at us? 

When I headed for the exit, she grabbed at my leg. "John, please." She begged, an entirely knew set of fresh, desperate tears flowing. I didn't give in and slipped from her grasp. "John!" Theo screamed at the top of her lungs and I didn't turn back. I couldn't afford it because if I did, I'd just be lying to myself. 

I glanced at the clock now and threw back the remaining contents  of my Scotch. Nearly two am. I'd locked myself in the home office hours ago and thought about my visit to Theodora's glass house in the woods nearly a week ago, glaring at the unlit fireplace. I still couldn't decide if that was the best decision, for myself, but I knew one thing; it was the best decision for Reagan. The best decision where my marriage was concerned. My marriage that I had nearly flushed down the drain for blinding lust.