Malice

-24

-Reagan-

"Mamma..." Kennedi looked up at me with her big hazel eyes and reached her arms up. She was beautiful, my daughter. We were up on the second floor of our house, in the play room after lunch. She'd had a blast dumping all of her food into the floor after she was done. She was a wild one, my baby.

"What is it baby? Are you ready for your nap?" I asked when she fussed and rubbed her eyes. I picked her up and she snuggled against my chest. In the corner, Matthew was playing, a solemn look on his face. "Are you sure you don't want anything to eat, Matthew?" I asked and started to bounce Ken. She needed her cup and her blankie and she would be out for a few hours. Matthew loLiuoked up at me and shook his head. He'd been in this mood for a few days now and for a child that young, I found it unacceptable. "Come here, sweetie, tell me what's wrong please."

I held my hand out and he got up, grabbed his small hand when he made it to me. When I squeezed a little he looked up at me. "I just miss my mom. I remember her, ya know. Where is she?" Matthew asked and for the life of me I couldn't imagine what about her that he missed. Had Theo-or Kate-or whatever she liked to go by, been some sort of a decent person towards her child while she was around him?

How was I suppose to answer that question. It wasn't my job-even if I had raised the boy for two years now. Had I known the answer, then maybe it would make this entire fucked up situation easier.  "I'm not sure where she is, Matthew. Why don't we talk about this more with your father?" A part of me definitely wanted to put all of this on John. 

"Okay..." Just like that he sat his toys down and rubbed his eyes. "I think I want to take a nap too." Punctuated by a yawn.

"Of course, let's go." I tugged him from the play room and deeper down the hall. Kennedi's room was just across the hall from the room that Nathan and I had given to him and I laid her down before taking him to his. Before I even had the light off, Matthew's eyes were already closed and his breathing steady.

What did I usually do on days like this when I was off and taking care of both of them? Yoga in the living room or catching up on the cleaning or laundry. Not today. I went down to the kitchen and found the vodka. Nathan had finally agreed to come home. To let me care for him during the final recovering stages. A double shot it was...and I tried like hell to keep it all down, while my chest burned and thought of the night I'd had with John.

What had this life become? Everything had been so perfect before my husband had gotten out of prison. It's like he had brought all of his bad luck out with him. Nathan and the accident...being rejected and living with the possibility that I would be a single parent...well I had. For awhile now. During those numerous nights with strangers, none of them had been able to fill the void in my heart...One that had been childless for so long and having Kennedi had healed it. Now it was just an aching need for Nathan Monroe. 

I poured another double shot-told myself that this was it or I wouldn't be able to deal with the kids. Gripped the counter and thought about the only thing my mind had been plagued with for several days now:

Good to know he still knew how to use that mouth.

My face flushed when he came up and kissed me with his mouth that tasted like me...and then I cried out softly, a pleasant warmth washed over my body when he entered me. He filled me completely and then some more-shoved my top up and took a turn with each nipple in his mouth, teasing. Slowly rolling those hips of his. So deep.

"You want me to fuck you?" John asked in my ear before he steadied himself on one forearm above my head and wrenched my leg up with the other...gripped the blanket for leverage and started to fuck me. Didn't give me any time to answer. What had changed? He'd just shared with me his past...living with his uncle...keeping a girl in confinement...for what? Had she been the only one. I didn't want to wonder anymore...not tonight.