TomTord oneshots

a story with only one chapter

WARNING: suicide and depression.
also, this was meant to be a genuine fanfiction but I only wrote one chapter.
whoops.

Beep. Beep.

"Is he ever going to wake up?"

Beep. Beep.

"We don't know."

Beeb. Beeb.

"How did... how did it happen?"

Beep. Beep.

I tried to open my eyes as someone said, "We believe your friend... well... he tried to commit suicide, sir. He put himself into a coma."

Beep. Beep.

No.

Oh, no, no, no.

Beep. Beep.

Edd gasped and Matt let out a choked noise.

Beep. Beep.

"Were you aware your friend was taking pills for depression?"

Beep. Beep.

"He... I... I didn't even know he was depressed."

Beep. Beep.

Why was it so loud? The beeping. It was so loud.

I wasn't in a coma. I was conscious. Why couldn't I move?

Beep. Beep.

"He used the pills and... he overdosed on them. We managed to pump his stomach, but if you had found him even a minute later..."

"Oh, god. Tom... why?"

Edd.

Edd, please don't. Please don't blame yourself. It is my fault. I hid it from you.

Beep. Beep.

"I'll... I'll leave you three alone."

A door opened then closed.

Beep. Beep.

"T...Tom." I felt a tear drop on my hand. Oh, god. Was Edd crying? Don't cry, Edd. "Why would you ever try to kill yourself? I thought... I thought you were happy. I thought you loved us."

I felt my heart shatter.

Beep. Beep.

"Guys, I... I..."

Tord?

Tord was the one that found me. The one that saved my life.

"I have his suicide note."

Beep. Beep.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. They couldn't read it. Not while I was alive. I tried to open my mouth to protest.

It didn't work.

"...what?"

"I can... I can read it to you guys. I think you should hear it."

"I'll stay. I want to hear it."

Matt, no. No, you've got to leave.

"Me, too."

Edd.

Edd, I'm so sorry.

Beep. Beep.

"If you're reading this, I'm dead. Or I at least tried. I hope I succeeded.

I'm sorry. I just know that you guys don't want me around anymore. I'm taking the hint. I know I have wasted your time and I should've done this a long time ago. I'm so sorry that I'm such an annoying person. I'm sorry that I'm a drunk. I'm sorry that I wasted all of your guys's time.

I'm so dead inside. Constantly. I'm so fucking numb and I hate it. Every morning I wake up and I can't get out of bed until one of you have to come and get me. I know that I bother you guys every time I worry you. Why were you even worried, anyways? I'm not worthy of your sympathy. I'm just a pathetic waste of space that should slit his wrists and jump off a bridge." Tord's voice cracked. I heard him sniffle. "After this, I'll be free of the pain, the sorrow, the voices.

I'm not good enough for you guys. I never will be. But I am good enough for hell. So, I'll be down there, watching you guys. I'll see Tord in hell and Edd and Matt in heaven.

I'm just a little sad. Sorry."

Beep. Beep.

I heard Matt let out a sob.

I wanted to cry, too, but nothing happened.

"Tom... Tom, why would you ever think that about yourself? We love you. We love you so much."

I felt Edd press his hand against mine.

"Of course we wanted you around. Why wouldn't we? You made us so happy."

Edd's voice cracked when he said happy.

I felt hands touch my arms and a body press against mine. Edd was hugging me.

His arms retracted and the cold bit at my skin. It was so cold.

"I'm gonna go outside. I'll wait for you guys."

Edd left the room.

Beep. Beep.

I felt Matt's smooth hand touch my face.

"Damnit, Tom. Why did you have to go and try to kill yourself?"

The hand left.

"I'm going outside, too."

Matt was gone now. Just like Edd.

Beep. Beep.

I couldn't see what was happening, but I knew Tord was getting closer.

Finally, I heard him sit down in the chair next to me.

He placed his hand over mine and gave it a tight squeeze.

"Why... why would you ever try something like this? I... we thought you were happy. Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me? I know we weren't close... no, I know we aren't close, but you're still my friend."

I could hear the way his words got caught in his throat.

"Don't play with my feelings like this, Thomas."

The rough hand left me, and I tried to open my mouth and beg him to stay.

For anyone not to leave me alone.

Beep. Beep.

I felt a tear streak down my left cheek.

I was crying.

I was crying!

Surely, surely someone would notice and realize I was awake—?

Someone put their hand to my cheek, wiping the tear off my face.

"Don't worry, Thomas. You only have about three months of this."

That was a girl's voice, but it wasn't a nurse that I had heard. Actually, it sounded like a teenage girl.

"No, I'm not a nurse."

What the fuck?

She laughed quietly. "I'll put on some music for you."

Her hand left my face. It was quiet for a moment, and then... my favorite song was playing.

"You like this, yes? I compiled a list of your top 200 favorite songs. You can thank me later."

Then, she was gone.

Beep. Beep.