die without you; j.g

sixteen;

holland's pov;

after much debating i decided to go home. like actually home, to see if by some miraculous turn of events my mom was still there. if discovered that she is, i probably won't even walk into the house.

as i sit in the driveway trying to work up to courage to go inside. i practically had to force myself to drive here, resisting the urge to make the turn to go to parker's. it would be so much easier to just continue to ignore all of my problems but i'm gonna be honest, i just want to sleep in my bed.

i don't see my moms beaten up car, so that's a good sign. i slowly get out of my car and approach the front door. if i could avoid seeing both my mom and my dad tonight, that would be ideal. i slowly open the door, which was unlocked meaning someone was home. when i step into the dark house, the only light comes from the tv in the living room.

my dads head turns at the sound of the door and when he sees me his eyes widen and his jaw drops. "holland. i've been so worried about you. where have you been?" he interrogates, quickly getting up and scurrying over to me. i take a step back from him before he can touch me.

"where's mom?" i ask, ignoring his question.

he looks down at his hands, "gone." he mumbles, not making eye contact.

"figures." i chuckle, slightly. "i mean, did you actually think she would stay?"

"holland..." he starts but doesn't finish.

"i've been at my frie-" my voice wouldn't allow me to finish that word. "i've been at jacks, not that you care anyway, but there you go." i explain, even though he doesn't deserve even that.

"oh honey, of course i care. i was so worried about you." he says with sad eyes.

"no, you don't. if you cared you wouldn't have let me leave. you would've kicked her out like i asked. what even made you think she would stay?" i fired, feeling myself getting angrier by the second. not only anger about the situation with my mom and dad but also angry at jack and at nate and at all the guys. "she never fucking stays! how many times have i said this?! how many times has she proved me right!?" i yelled, taking it all out on my dad.

his expression softened as soon as he noticed the tears pouring from my eyes. he opens his mouth to say something but i immediately cut him off. "you're no better than her." i sniffle. "what is it about me that is so hard to choose? you chose mom! jack chose her! i'm sure if it came down to it parker and gen would choose each other!"

my dad approaches me slowly, looking at me with pity and concern. "oh, sweetie, i'm so sorry... what happened?" he wraps his arms around my torso and i break down then and there. all the stuff i bottled up came out.

;

my phone had been blown up by morning, when i decided not to go to school. i'm probably overreacting to this whole situation but it wasn't just about jack. it was about nate, and sam, and johnson and the fact that i had a class with all 4 of them. i just couldn't bring myself to show up today.

parker bitch; where are you
parker bitch; hey
parker bitch; what happened with you and jack

gen(ocide); why arent you at school?
gen(ocide); jack said you left last night, but he didn't say why. what happened?

nathan whore; jack told me what happened
nathan whore; i'm sorry

jack; holland
jack; holland
jack; hol
jack; talk to me
jack; please
jack; i'm sorry for the shit i said
jack; i didn't mean it
jack; i'm such a fuck up
jack; i'm sorry
jack; i'm sorry
jack; i'm sorry
jack; baby i'm so sorry
jack; ik sorry doesn't fix anything
jack; but i really am
jack; please forgive me
jack; please hol, just reply