Like It Was Yesterday

Part Five

During lunch I was walking around the school when I noticed that perfume smell again. This time it lasted only a few seconds. I stopped and looked around, but it wasn’t from anyone near me. I stood there really confused for a few seconds, but then started to wonder what people were thinking about me, because I just stopped in the middle of a hallway to stare at nothing. I continued walking, ignoring it for now.

During 4th hour, however, I was writing my journal about how I talked to Iliana, and how I wished she was still there with me and it came back. What the…? Why does this keep happening? It can’t be her, she’s still alive. It would have to be a ghost, but one that smells just like her?

It only lasted a few seconds again before going away. I looked around the room and saw that everyone else was quietly working on their homework. No one else seemed to notice, so it must have just been me imagining things. It seemed so real though, like she was really standing right there next to my desk.

I continued to write about wanting her to be right there with me, hoping that maybe it would come back, but it never did. Nothing like that happened for the rest of the week even. It wasn’t until Monday that something happened again.

My day started off normal. I got a bunch of homework from my classes that I needed to get caught up on and actually brought it home with me. Still didn’t get half of it done though. Also, no one bothered me that day, and I didn’t really mind that I didn’t get the chance to talk to Iliana. I was just content for once, which wasn’t something that I could say I felt often. It wasn’t until later on in the day after I had already gone home that something happened.

I was sitting on my bed hugging a stuffed puppy and watching a Lifetime movie that was on TV when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my puppy’s ear moved. Not just a little either. Definitely more than it should have even if it was windy in our room, which it wasn’t. It was completely still in my room. Not even the heater was on.

I looked down at my puppy then picked her up to try and blow on her ear. It didn’t really move that much and I realized it must have done it on its own, if it was even possible for it to do that. Now I was really starting to wonder. What could possibly be going on? Was I going crazy?

The next day at school I tried not to think about it much, but I had to tell Rachel in 3rd hour. She said that something is definitely following me, but I argued with her this time.

“How do I know I’m not just going insane or something? What if this is all in my head and I’ve finally lost it? I mean, I have been stressed out a lot lately. It could be affecting me mentally or something.”

“I don’t think you’re imagining this Stacie. If this stuff seems so real it probably is. I think you should try to communicate with it.”

“Okay, now you’re the one who’s losing it. There is no way I’m going to try to communicate with something that’s probably only in my head. Besides… what if it’s evil and it wants to kill me?”

Rachel laughed.

“It’s not evil Stacie, whatever it is seems to be just watching you, and it just wants you to know it’s there.”

I was kind of starting to think that Rachel was going crazy too. It wants me to know it’s there? I don’t think so.

I looked over at Iliana who was sitting across the room from me. She looked up from what she was doing, directly at me. I quickly looked away and then realized that was a stupid idea, because I just made it obvious I was looking at her.

After class I got my lunch and went to sit in the art room with Ashleigh. We didn’t talk much, but we haven’t really talked a lot in a while anyway, so that didn’t really surprise me.

Ashleigh was great, she was always there for me and never judged me, but for some reason I just couldn’t talk to her about certain things. Mainly because I liked Iliana, but I knew that Ashleigh liked me, and I didn’t like her back the same way. So even though she may not have said it, I know she didn’t always like when I bring up Iliana. That’s why we hadn’t been talking much lately. Everything that had been bothering me was about Iliana, and I didn’t want to hurt Ashleigh’s feelings, though it seems like I did almost every day anyway.

I don’t think she knew it, but it hurt me even more knowing that it was hurting her. I wish I could have liked her the way she liked me. I also wish I didn’t like Iliana so much, because that just seemed weird. We hardly know each other, but there’s nothing I could do about that. I’d just have to find a way to deal with it.

Towards the end of lunch we walked around for a while. I kept looking down at the ground the whole time thinking about how much I wish things were different. Ashleigh noticed I didn’t look happy.

“You okay?” she asked?

“I’m fine.”

“I wish I could help, but I don’t know what to do.”

I really wished she could too.

“Neither do I.”

The bell rang after that and we had to go to class. During 4th hour I talked to Abbie. It was kind of an interesting conversation, one I never thought I’d agree with.

“I think you should tell her,” said Abbie from her spot next to me.

I looked over at her like she was crazy, because there’s no way she was serious.

“WHAT? Tell her I like her? You don’t think that’s a really bad idea? I’m afraid to talk to her in general, why would I want to tell her that? Why would she even need to know?”

“No, I don’t think it would be a bad idea. I can’t see why she’d have a problem with that. Besides, you said you need her to help you, well that is the problem you’re having, she should know that.”

“She’ll think it’s weird I just know it, besides, what advice could she seriously give me that would help… umm… don’t like me anymore?”

As much as I argued with her, I couldn’t help but think she was right. After all, part of me always wanted to let Iliana know that I like her, but I’ve always been too afraid of what would happen if she found out. Would she stop talking to me? Avoid me all together? That’s all I could think about, but now I kind of wondered if her knowing would help in some way.

“Fine,” I said. “What if I tell her… but not right now?”

“When are you planning on letting her know?”

“Spring break. I won’t see her for a week. So maybe she’ll get over it or forget by the time we get back. Just one thing… will you be the one to tell her?”

“I can do that for you. Sounds like a good time to me too.”

So it was settled, spring break would be when she found out, and Abbie was going to tell her. I realized that this was the coward way to do things, but I just wanted to see how she’d react, without her actually knowing that I wanted her to know. I’d have to act like I had no clue Abbie was going to tell her.

I walked over to Zeke, who is sort of my friend, but also kind of a jerk. He was the one that always threatened to tell her I like her. When I told him that I was going to tell her he didn’t seem to believe me at first, but I think after a while he got it. He started laughing and told me he’ll think it’s funny when she never talks to me again because of this. I tried not to let that bother me, but honestly, I just wanted to punch the kid in the face. He wasn’t helping me feel any better about my decision.