Vanilla Sex

Meow

Home, she told herself. Today was way too exhausting. No that was not the right word, it was frustrating.  

"Hey, where do you think you are going?" Xavier questioned as he grabbed her arm.

He must want the phone, damn I'm going to Hell, wait I'm already in hell she thought.
"Oh God, I need a drink"
"But I don't drink," she said.

Xavier blinked a few times.
"Home. I am going home. I want this day over with." Oh my God, she sounded like one of those whiny kids at Disney. You know the ones that scream at the top of their lungs for a toy.

"But we have a movie date." He shuttered.

"Consider this a cancellation notice."

"You're mad about the shirt aren't you?" He asked.

"I'm mad about everything," she replied. Maybe Xavier was a little crazy. It made sense. All her friends were crazy. Nobody was normal anymore. Like what was is normal anyway? Wait a minute, she was having a philosophical conversation with herself. She needed a Xanax to deal with all this shit.  Xavier clearly didn't care that he was interrupting her private conversation.

"But we can fix the shirt. " He said dragging her into a store on the left. He looked as if he was about to say something else but he had one of those deer in the headlights look on his face. He tried to spin her around. Okay, something was up she thought. She did a quick scan of the shop and raise her eyebrows. She didn't recall seeing this store here but she had to say it was definitely interesting. The sales staff looked like hot male models. Wait a minute, was that Liam Hemsworth strolling around in a pair of Calvin Klein boxer shorts! Didn't he wear briefs for the ad?

"Liam Hemsworth is in the house. I mean store. Liam Hemsworth, oh my God." Okay so sue her for a malfunctioning brain. She was pretty sure her eyes were about to pop out of her head. She knew it wasn't really Liam Hemsworth but damn he looked like the real thing.

She turned her head to the right, "Matt Latner.... he looks like Matt Latner. He's in boxers too."

She had somehow managed to grab a hold of Xavier's shirt and was dragging him towards the back of the store.

"I love you. You are the best. You brought me to a zoo filled with hot men that look like models and actors. Oh my God, you are amazing."

"Wait till I tell Sury and Kingsley's about this place," she continued.

"He looks like Sean Connery" she added pointing to the old man tending the cashier. Just then a James Dean look-alike came up to them.

"Hello there, I'm James"

"Sure you are." Emma giggled.

James nodded his head enthusiastically and continued "I'll be your personal assistant today."

He eyed Xavier up and down.

"What's your preference: briefs, boxers, or thongs?" James casually inquired.

Emma leaned into James "you know that is a really good question. I want to know that too."

She peeked over at Xavier. Xavier looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"I think he would look awesome boxers."

"I agree, we have a variety of boxers from many different designers!" James exclaimed.

Xavier cleared his throat. Clearly wanting to say something but Emma asked excitedly,
"Do you have Gucci?"

James looked confused for a minute. He looked from Xavier to Emma and smiled brightly, "I do not believe that Gucci makes men undergarments, but we have a wide selection of Givenchy undergarments."

"Omg, James has a British accent.  That is soo sexy. I love this place. " She said slapping Xavier on the arm.

"So James, what do you think that the Givenchy undergarments? Are they soft and sexy?"

"We have soft and sexy in a variety of designers." James purred.

"Um, hello" Xavier tried to interrupt.

"We even have designer undergarments with Harry Potter and cats."

"Cats" Emma all but clapped.

"Oh yes, would you like to see them?" James asked.

"Oh, yes please," Emma said excitedly.

"I am not wearing kitty cats on my damn underwear." Xavier said as he folds his arms across his chest in that universal man stance that literally said: "I ain't going nowhere."

Both Emma and James looked at him stupidly, as if he was some alien being who just arrived on the planet Earth and had no idea how cute kittens were.

"I'm not doing it," he added.

Emma and James shared a look before Emma turned around and said, "I was looking forward to seeing you in a cute itsy bitsy kitty undergarment."  Emma said clearly trying to hold back her laughter.

Xavier eyes all but said "Bullshit"

"I could pet the kitty."  Emma offered.

"That is just mean" Xavier groaned.

"Take me to the kitty cat boxers," Emma purred making little cat claws.

"No, no, no" Xavier shouted.
"No damn kitties. I am a man hear me roar."

"Lions are big kittens." James volunteered helpfully.

"Yo dude, what did I ever do to you?  Help a brother out and tell her you sold all the cats undergarments."  Xavier said to James in a loud whisper.

"Man, I have been here for a month.  I know better than to argue with a woman.  You never win.  Take my advice and just give in.  It's not worth the agony they will heap on you." James advised.

"Meow," Emma said.

"Oh my God, you are wicked," Xavier said to Emma.

Emma smiled seductively.

"I almost think I like it but I am not wearing kittens on my underwear.  It is so wrong." Xavier said to Emma reinforcing his opinion with a hard look.

James groans, "Dude you just don't get it."

"Get what?" Xavier asked.

"When a woman says jump you say how high," James advised.

Emma nodded her head in agreement.

Xavier leaned into James "When a woman says jump, it better be because my life is in danger." then he leaned into Emma, "When I get a woman into bed, she will be screaming in ecstasy my underwear will not even play a minor roll in the scene I have laid out in my head."

Emma gulped.

James started clapping, "I applaud your manhood, but  I still suggest you buy a pair of underwear."

Xavier nodded his head, "Fine do you by chance have super villains?  She likes to play with the bad boys."

This time James gulped and Emma's face turned red.