Vanilla Sex

Totally Gucci

Chapter 29

Totally Gucci! Who speaks like that? Oh, wait that would be the drama queen sitting on her bed.

"Mashed potatoes and Gucci." She asked to be sure that she had heard everything correctly. Nothing like going to med school so somebody could call you a mashed potato and tell the world you looked Gucci.

Kingsley nodded his head enthusiastically. His gel tips swinging with each movement.
"Hey, girl do you have a nail file?"

"I am in the hospital. Why the hell would I possibly have a nail file on me?"

"What? They don't give you a care kit here. God almighty, you would think that the premium dollars they collect could be used on the patients!" He ranted.

"Uhm, I don't need a nail file."

"Oh please honey, every girl needs a nail file."

She wanted to ask him how he would know but getting into a fight with Kingsley was like fighting with an adorable squishy teddy bear. He made really cute faces and totally distracted you from the argument you were making. Kingsley was a lovable dude if you could live with all his drama. It sure made life interesting. She let out a sigh.

"Girl, it is not that bad. By the time you leave here, you will be a completely different person."

"What are you talking about?"

"Man I wished I had your luck. Gucci Doctors and plastic surgery that your insurance will cover. It's like winning the lottery." He enunciated the winning the lottery with a dramatic wave.

Okay, Kingsley could definitely speed date. Man, he just said like 20 words in three seconds and managed to put some character into his little speech. Wait, did he say plastic surgery!! Drugs, it had to be the drugs because she could have sworn he had said plastic surgery. She shook her head, it felt like she had cobwebs stuck were her brain should be. Kingsley took the head movement as a sign of encouragement and kept going.

"By the time you leave here, you can look like Scarlette Johnson or Jennifer Aniston. You must have been born under the year of the dragon. You are just so damn lucky. When you get out of here, we need to buy them lotto tickets."

"Year of the dragon, Scarlette Johnson, PLASTIC SURGERY," was she sounding a little historical? She had practically shouted the words plastic surgery. Of course, Plastic surgery probably meant butterfly stitches. Kingsley had a tendency to overdramatize everything. It was why he was banned from dealing with clients. You just never knew what was going to come out of his mouth.

"Hmmm, hmmm you can have one of them cute button nose. You will be an adorable bunny." He said smiling.

"I don't want to be an adorable bunny." Emma moaned.

"Honey, you don't want to be the wicked witch. She has one of them ugly Pinocchio like nose," Kingsley shuttered in horror before adding, "then you will never have any kinky sex. Hell, you might not even get to make out anymore if you end up with one of them Pinocchio noses." He exclaimed as another shiver rocked his body.

"Bang" it was the sound of a tray dropping to the floor and Nurse Paw Patrol looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Emma let out a deep sigh. Her sex life or lack of it was apparently going to be the topic of discussion in the nurses' lunchroom. Nothing like being the center of attention.
"Good lord woman, are you trying to give me a heart attack," Kingsley screamed jumping 10 feet off the bed. Okay, okay more like two feet but he looked like a rejected cheerleader that lost his pom-poms.

Nurse Paw Patrol looked like a kitty cat that had already lost several lives. She ran out of the room like she had just seen a ghost or maybe she was about to be attacked by a zombie.

"I'm, I'm still human right?"

Kingsley sighed, "Emma baby, I promise you are still human. I know you sort of look like a mummy and under all those bandages you probably look like Frankenstein but trust me Dr.Love will make you look totally babalucios."

"Frankenstein, Baba, baba-lucious? Dr. Love?"

Kingsley started nodding his head. His gel tips were swinging all over the place. This had to be the drugs. A drug-induced nightmare. When did Kingsley start wearing gel tips?
Wait a damn minute, was that boy was getting his hair done as she laid dying in this bed? She was going to kill him.

"Why you be looking at me like that?"

"Your hair"

"It's awesome right?"

"I'm dying and you got your damn hair done!" Emma said in a hurt tone.

"Girl, I did it for you."

What the fuck?

"Stop looking at me with those calf eyes," Kingsley complained.
"Really, when you get released, I am so going to take you to this hair salon. Oh my God, you will adore Bobby. He is totally hot and he has muscles." He said release like he was referring to a prison term and he drew out the word muscles as though that was the most important thing.

"Why are you lying? Do you think I am stupid? Just own up to the fact that while your good friend was laying in a hospital bed, possibly dying (yes, she could be a drama queen too) and you were getting your fuckin hair done."

"Girl you don't have to be so nasty. I asked him to give me Jennifer Aniston's hair cut so that I could totally encourage you to change your outdated hairdo." He said pointing his index finger at her.

"Really? Do you want to go there? First of all your hair is too short, second of all her do is more boring then mind and lastly, I have no intention of looking like Jennifer Aniston." Emma said in a huff. Clearly, she was going to be fighting with Kingsley after all.

"Dude she married Brad Fucking Pitt. He's like total eye candy."

"Omg, if you like old men. That was like so yesterday." Emma sighed.

"Hello did you see Troy. Oh God, What I wouldn't give to touch that body, or Interview with a Vampire"

"Again, that was way ancient."

"If hot Brad Pitt walked in, you would be all over him"

"For that to happen the universe needs to bend back on itself!"

He made a hissing sound then made a cute face and said "but Aniston is still pretty. With her nose and some hair bleach you could totally look like her from 20 years ago."

"Nose? I am not bleaching my hair. What's wrong with my nose?"

Emma jacked knife up, the words Frankenstein were now echoing in her head. " Mirror, Mirror, where's the Mirror?"

"Honey, mirror, mirror on the wall is totally not going to work. Trust me you are not the fairest of them all." Kingsley snarked.

Oh my god, she was going to kill him. Emma grabbed the cheap hospital pillow and started slapping him with it. " I want a mirror damn it"

"Hey, you are the one who told me that they don't give you care kits at this crummy hospital. So why are you hitting me?"

" Find me a mirror." Each word was enunciated so that a 2-year-old could understand.

"Do I look like a magician? Perhaps a Genie. Wait" Kingsley held out his hand doing universal sign to stop, " I guess I do look a little like a genie. I am a lot hotter than Will Smith though."

"Argh" Emma screamed.

Kingsley fell off the bed, shook his head and slowly started backing away. "Girl, I think there is something wrong. You sound like a wacko. Totally wacko."

Just then Nurse Paw Patrol re-entered the room. "Look my time's up," Kingsley shouted as he scrambled to his feet and rushed out the door.