Shaded ✔️

CHAPTER 1

It had been 6 months ago today.  6 months since the most important person in my life was taken away from me.

6 months since I lost my brother. He took most of me with him that night.  What he left behind was nothing more than an empty shell. He had my heart and my soul with him wherever he was.

I pushed the thoughts back and raised my glass with the rest of his brothers, a shot to honour and remember him. Somehow it felt like I was the only one who couldn't forget.

The rest of the guys paused for a moment with thoughts of their leader before continuing on as if it was just another night. I felt their looks of pity, but no one dared to come up to me. They had come to terms with their grief as they planned their retaliation. 

 Unfortunately it wasn't so easy for me. 

 Grief became guilt. Guilt became depression. Depression became a bottle of pills sitting on my bedside table, and then it became nothing at all. Just emptiness, and with that came distractions. Anything to keep my mind away from the past, from him. Other days were easier. I worked as an artist and piercer at the club's tattoo shop during the day and the club's bar at night. By the time the day was done I was too exhausted to do anything but sleep, and if I wasn't, I went to the gym. I knew the guys were worried about me. They remembered who I was before that night, even if I couldn't. I told them I just needed some time, but 6 months had passed and I still felt the exact same way I did that night.

I squeezed my eyes shut, pushing the memories away before reaching over the side of the bar and grabbing whatever bottle I could, not even bothering to look at it before taking a swig. I was mid chug when the bottle was ripped from my hands. I didn't need to open my eyes to know who it was.

"Give me the bottle Val."

"I think you've had enough Scar." I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him. I was trying not to get mad, I knew tonight was hard for him too. The man standing in front of me was not only my brother's VP, but his best friend since birth. Apparently my mom used to say that they were best friends even before then, when Nate was growing in my mom's belly and Val was growing in her best friend's.

"Actually I was just getting started." I gave him a smirk before grabbing the bottle and walking outside for a smoke.

"You know, today is hard for the rest of us too. You're not the only one who loved him." he called after me.  Val looked tired. In the past months he had not only lost the president of his club, his best friend and one of his brothers, but was forced to take over his role as president and his role of protecting me. I can't say I've made that part easy for him.

"I know."

"Nate wouldn't want to see you like this Scar." I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my fists. 6 fucking months and the sound of his name still felt like a knife to the chest.

"Please go. I think I just need to be alone right now."

"You've been saying that for months."

"Please."

I could hear the defeat in his voice as he sighed and shook his head, walking back to the bar. I know he wouldn't want me to be like this. I know that I need to move on. The only problem was actually doing it. How could I find the strength I need to move on when I barely had the strength to get out of bed every morning?

So I drank. Maybe the answer would be at the bottom of the bottle.

An hour later and I had slammed the empty bottle down on the table. My mind was fuzzy to the point where I could barely form a thought and I loved it. I lived for it even. It was the only time I caught a little glimpse of peace, even if it was just for a couple moments before I completely blacked out. I could feel myself drifting off before I was forced awake by the sound that haunted my dreams every night.

Gunshots.

With a shit ton of effort I managed to heave myself out of the chair that had pretty much become an extension of body within the last 2 hours and moved towards the sound. I heard one of the guys shouting. The scene felt too familiar, like I was exactly where I was at this time 6 months ago. My brain betrayed me, forcing images of that night through my mind like it was a movie. Nate running outside, the horrible sound of his body hitting the floor. The blood. I felt like I was going to throw up. I clutched my stomach, tripping over my own feet before hitting something hard. My mind went blank for a split second.

And then I was weightless. I felt like I was flying. I forced myself to open my eyes, expecting to see nothing but land beneath me.

Instead I saw an angel. He had a halo of light surrounding his head. I felt myself reach out and touch his face.  His beard was rough against my fingers.  

"Are you an angel?" My voice sounded strange even to me, but he laughed and I swear I caught a glimpse of heaven. I could feel my eyelids closing without permission.

"Finally." I heard myself whisper. And then darkness.