Shaded ✔️

CHAPTER 27

When I woke up the next morning, I realized that drinking with Buddy did not compare to drinking with my brothers. Those guys were fucking ruthless, and I had the hangover to show for it. I looked around for my phone when I caught sight of a glass of water on my nightstand. I grabbed it, gulping down the whole thing and the 2 Tylenol that were beside it. I saw a crumpled up note with a key placed on top.

Figured that this was the best place for you to start. You threw the other key away, so don't lose this one.

-V

I held the key in my palm and remembered what Val was talking about. It was a month after Nate had passed away and Val was going to his apartment to clean out his stuff. He told me I should go with him since the place was technically mine now. It was Nate's apartment, but I spent most of my time there with him anyway. I could remember the fight that took place after. Despite how drunk I was, I could remember telling Val that I would never step foot in that place again and that he might as well sell it before launching my key into the forest behind the clubhouse. I shook my head at the memory, playing with the key in my hands. I hadn't been there in more than 6 months, and I honestly never planned on going back, but I guess now with the baby I would need a place of my own.

I sighed, getting up and heading into the bathroom. I looked like a damn train wreck. I pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it on the floor before beginning to slide my shorts down my legs.

"Hey Scar do you have-" I shut my eyes and sighed deeply, not even bothering to cover myself up.

"Jax."

"Oops?"

"Do you have a sensor in your brain that tells you whenever I'm naked?"

"No, but-" I held my hand up to shut him up and he smirked.

"Try knocking next time, jackass."

"Why would I do that and miss out on the perfect opportunity to see those beautiful-"

"OUT." I shoved him towards the door, trying not to laugh.

"Hey wait, I came to ask you about getting a piece done today."

"I'm busy."

"Tomorrow?"

"Busy, sorry." I gave him a smug smile that let him know I was anything but.

"Scar."

"Yes, Satan?"

"Please?"

"I have something to do, if I have time I'll do it when I get back."

"Great, I'll come with you." I rolled my eyes.

"Fuck no."

"Come on Scar, this is what friends do."

"Good thing we're not friends then."

"Babe, come on." He grabbed my wrist, pulling me close to him and leaning into whisper into my ear to say the words he knew I couldn't resist.

"I'll buy you breakfast." I shoved him off me.

"FINE. But we're going to the grill and I'm getting whatever I want." I said crossing my arms over my chest. I watched as the movement brought his eyes down and sighed loudly, making him look back at my face. He smirked.

"Anything for you darlin'." I pushed him out of my room, trying and failing to keep the smile off my face.

After eating a 5 course meal courtesy of Jax, we were on the way to Nate's apartment and I was getting nervous. I didn't want to come back here because I hated remembering how much better things were, how much happier I was when Nate was in my life. It was my home, but without my brother I was scared to face the emptiness that I knew was waiting for me.

"Hey, you alright?" I glanced at Jax who was giving me a weary look from the passenger seat of the Jeep.

"Yeah." I turned up the radio a bit, hoping he would take the hint.

"You never told me where we're going."

"You never asked."

"Well now I am." I sighed.

"I need to go to my brother's apartment, get it ready for the baby. I don't think I'll get much done today though." I saw Jax freeze up. The dead brother thing usually did that to people.

"Look, you don't have to come in. I haven't been there since..." I paused, taking a breath. "I won't be long, you can just wait in the car." He didn't say anything, and when I looked at him he looked far away, lost in his head. I pulled into the apartment complex, thankful to escape the awkward silence. I parked, leaving the keys in the ignition.

"You can take the car if you want, I'll just text you when I'm done." He just nodded, that same distant look in his eyes. I walked to the door, pausing a little before forcing my way through. The familiarity took over and before I knew it I was standing in front of his door, but I couldn't force myself to go in. I rested my forehead against the door, trying to breathe. I could remember every moment, every smell, every feeling that I had hidden away behind this door. All the things I tried so hard not to think about, all the memories I tried to forget. I was pulled out of my head when I felt someone grab my hand, holding it tightly in their own. I didn't need to look up to know it was Jax. I moved my forehead away from the door, wiping my eyes with my free hand before looking up at him.

"You didn't have to-"

"You shouldn't do this alone Scar." There was a sadness in his eyes that made me want nothing more than to see his smile or hear his laugh. I pulled my eyes away from his, pushing the thoughts away and putting the key into the lock.

I took a deep breath, before pushing the door open and ushering Jax in. Everything was the exact same he left it. Nate's massive TV and X-box in the same spot, the pictures of us when we were younger still hanging on the walls.

But it was different.

His shoes weren't carelessly thrown on the mat beside the door, his favourite Star Wars mug wasn't left on the coffee table, it didn't smell like him anymore. I didn't realize I what I was doing until my arms were thrown around Jax and I was sobbing into his chest. He didn't hesitate before he wrapped his arms around me, my body tiny against his.

"I'm so sorry." His voice was barely a whisper and thick with emotion, making me cry more.

He pulled away a little, just enough to reach up and brush his thumbs under my eyes. I looked at him like it was the first time that I was really seeing him. I had never needed anyone until this moment, and I was damn grateful that it was him who was there. I felt all the thoughts running through my head fade away as I looked at him.

And I gave in.

I gave in to the need to feel his lips on my own. He was hesitant at first before he clutched my face in his hands, and I felt him give in too. His lips were soft and full and demanding on mine. I gripped his shirt, trying to pull him closer despite the lack of space between us. He tried to move me so I was pressed against the door, making me hit the small table that was there. I saw the picture that was on it fall before I heard the crash. I pushed Jax away, rushing over to it.

"Shit." I picked up the picture. It was me and Nate, leaning against his bike the day he bought it. Nate had written the date on the back in his messy hand writing. I tried to brush off the stabbing pain in my heart as I looked at the picture through watery eyes and the glass shattered around it.

"Fuck. Fuck, I'm sorry Scar."

"Hey, it's okay." I tried to reach out to him, but he flinched away.

"No, it isn't." he looked down at me like he wanted to say more, but he just shook his head and dug his fingers through his hair. "I'll just meet you downstairs, ok?" he didn't give me a chance to respond before he was rushing out the door, slamming it behind him. I looked down at the picture again, the ache in my chest not fading.

Fuck.