Shaded ✔️

CHAPTER 18

When I woke up I was greeting by the familiar pounding of a hangover headache. I groaned rolling to my side only to hit something. Something warm, something human.

I peeked one of my eyes open and cursed myself. Snippets of the night before hit me. My brain was telling me to haul ass out of this bed, take the car and run before he knew I was gone. But my body gave into the warmth of Jax's, trying to enjoy it while it lasted. I knew once he woke up we would be forced to forget this ever happened. I rested my head on his chest, tracing the lines of ink that covered his torso. I tried to ignore the one that traced the bones of his hips, fading into his boxers. I took one last look at him before I got up, throwing on his sweater and going to start the coffee maker.

"You trying to sneak out on me again?" his voice was husky and rough with sleep. I turned around to look at him.

"If I was I probably would've put some pants on." His eyes found my legs and he took in a deep breath.

"That's probably a good idea. I don't know how much longer I can look at them without imagining how they would look wrapped around me." I choked on air, making him chuckle.

"Listen, about yesterday...I think it would be best if we both just forget whatever happened. I might not be on the best terms with Val, but I still respect his decisions when it comes to the club. I know he threatened to take away your patch, and I'm not worth the risk." I saw something flash in his eyes for a split second before he covered it up with his usual smirk.

"Glad we're on the same page darlin'." My heart sank. I guess I was hoping for a bit more of a fight. I just nodded, turning back around to the coffee machine.

"Get ready. I'll drop you off at the clubhouse." I didn't give him time to respond before going into the bathroom, locking the door behind me this time. I tried to remind myself that this was never supposed to happen to begin with, that it was for the best. But Jax knew parts of me that no one else did, and that meant something to me even if it didn't to him.

I pushed the thought away. He couldn't mean anything to me and I knew it. Not only did Val basically forbid it, but I promised myself a long time ago that I would never get involved with a member. I could never play the part of an old lady, letting her man do whatever and whoever he wanted because they were on a run. I would never risk losing him the way I lost my brother. Men like Jax and Nate and Val would always put the club before anything else, even their own lives. I couldn't go through that pain, not again.

I got ready quickly, not sparing him a glance as I put my clothes on. I threw his sweater on the bed, grabbing my shit and going out to the Jeep. I waited for him in the driver's seat, making sure my music was loud enough to drown out any hope of conversation. He had barely shut the door before I was pulling out of the lot, trying to make the trip back to the clubhouse as quick as possible. Whenever Jax looked like he was going to say something I just turned the music louder, hoping he would take the hint.

It felt like hours before I was pulling back into the clubhouse. The absence of Anastasia's car had my stomach in knots. Jax opened the door to get out.

"Jax." He looked at me, waiting for me to say something. I cleared my throat.

"I didn't mean to say that stuff to you. That shit stays between us. Understand?" he looked almost hurt, but more angry than anything.

"You really think I would tell people that? That's the kind of person you think I am?"

"That's the thing Jax, I have no idea what kind of person you are. And I don't plan on sticking around to find out. So just keep it between us, ok?" my eyes were focused on the steering wheel.

"Sure thing, Scarlett." His voice was laced with venom. When I didn't say anything more he just shook his head, turning away. I tried not to hesitate as I pulled out of the lot, feeling worse and worse as I watched the clubhouse disappear into my rear-view mirror. I found myself driving aimlessly yet again, feeling more lost than ever. I realized I had nowhere left to go, no one left to run to. I could go back to the clubhouse, but that meant facing Val. I couldn't go to Ace no matter how badly I wanted to. I was good friends with some of the club girls and old ladies, but I didn't want to be anywhere near Jax. I only had one other option, and I was desperate enough to take it.

An hour and a half later I was back in King's County, knocking on Dom's door.