Shaded ✔️

CHAPTER 30

I woke up the next morning alone. I tried not to get too offended since he told me what this was and I agreed to it. I went to the bathroom, surprised to see the shower was on. I could see Jax's back through the glass door. His hands were pressed against the wall, his head down as the water hit his back. In a moment of bravery, I slipped Jax's t-shirt off my body, letting it fall to the floor as I slipped in the shower behind him. He looked up, surprise all over his features.

"I didn't think you would want me in your bed in the morning."

"I'm used to waking up alone." He nodded, clenching his jaw and turning away from me.

"But I wouldn't mind waking up with you." My voice was quiet and I kept my eyes focused on the floor. He didn't say anything, just lifted my chin up enough to place his lips on mine. He leaned his forehead on mine, his eyes closed.

"You can't say things like that." he said it so low that I barely heard him before he covered my lips with his own. I ignored the shot that sent to my heart and kissed him back. I kissed my way down his body, teasing him like he did to me. It didn't take long for him to press the front of my body against the glass wall of the shower, the front of his body pressed against the back of mine, his fingers digging into my hips, his lips on my shoulder as he took me to a place I realized only he could bring me to.

Jax was smirking as we stepped out of the shower and he wrapped a towel around me before wrapping one around his hips.

"Now that is a proper good morning." I just rolled my eyes, trying to fight back a smile. He kissed me lightly, making my stomach drop. This kiss wasn't like the other ones that were rough and filled with passion. It was slow and gentle, leaving my heart racing and my mind playing tricks on me. It left me thinking that I could get used to this, and maybe that being an old lady wouldn't be so bad if I could come home to this every day. I pushed Jax away along with those thoughts, moving quickly to collect my clothes and shove my shirt over my head.

"I have to go, me and Stas are getting the apartment ready for the baby."

"You and Stas? You didn't tell me you were back on good terms."

"That's because its none of your concern. You think because we fucked so now you have a right to know my business?" the words were ripped from the part of me that was fucking terrified to let Jax any closer than he already was, our inevitable fate looming over us like a dark cloud. Part of me regretted saying them, but another part was glad that I made where we stand clear to him and to myself.

"Actually I was asking from the part of me that thought we were friends. My bad, won't happen again." He shook his head, obviously disappointed. I sighed.

"Jax, I didn't mean-"

"I know exactly what you meant. Don't worry Scar, I got the message loud and clear." He gave me one last look, the anger clear in his eyes, before walking out the door and slamming it shut behind him. I sighed, running a hand through my hair and trying to convince myself that it was better this way.

Going back to the apartment for the second time without Jax by my side wasn't easy. I couldn't force myself to go in his room, not knowing what to expect. Did Val clear out all his clothes and all his things? Were his clothes still thrown around carelessly? What happened to all his books? Stas wouldn't go in there either, squeezing my hand and telling me that we would come back with Val to sort out his room.

"What's up with you and Val anyway?" She blushed and looked away. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know yet. All I know is that Angel deserves a father figure in his life, and Val is one of the greatest men I've known. I trust him with Angel, I know he'll be a good role model."

"Minus the whole biker gang thing." I said sarcastically.

"My kid will never know that life, do you understand? I won't lose my child the way I lost Nate." Her voice was harsh and there was anger in her eyes, something I had rarely seen in Stas. I could only nod.

"I want to get out of here, Scar."

"You know Val will never leave this place, the club."

"I know. But I need to do right by Nate, for Angel. That means getting him as far away from this place as I can." I nodded, knowing that in the end Stas and I were never meant to be stuck in this town for this long anyway. Despite how much I loved Val and the rest of the brothers, nothing could keep me away from this child. If that meant going wherever Stas did, then that's what I would do. I felt the nagging voice in the back of my mind, reminding me that I had someone else here now, someone that I wasn't ready to give up on just yet.

"Fuck this crib. I need a drink." I threw down the pieces of the crib that me and Stas were failing to assemble. She laughed a little before extending her hands out so I could help her up.

"Look at us. We might as well get married since we're practically having a kid together."

"I always said if I could be a lesbian that you would be my wife. Unfortunately, I am 100% heterosexual, as you can probably see." She nodded to her large belly and I laughed. We headed back to the clubhouse, Stas going off to find Val as I headed to the bar, grabbing a beer instead of my usual and promising myself I would only have one. I took in my surroundings, subconsciously looking for Jax. I wanted to apologize, even though I know I should just leave things as they are.

All thoughts of apologizes were forced out of my head when I saw him across the room, his lips on Cindy's. I watched his hands travel down her body, the hands that were touching me not even 12 hours ago. I tried to convince myself that I had no right to be mad, that this was what I wanted, but I could feel the rage flowing through me. Jax caught my eye as he led her away to one of the rooms, a sick smirk taking over his features as he nodded to me with a wink. I just shook my head, looking away and downing my beer. I saw a bottle of Jack and longed for the feeling of emptiness I knew it could provide. My resolve broke quickly, and I reached for the bottle.

The more I drank the more I thought about him. How it felt to finally be with him, the feeling of having him beside me. His stupid smirk, his stunning smile. The way it felt to feel every inch of his skin on mine. The way it felt to finally want to be close to someone again, to let him in. I took another chug, realizing there was only one thing that would distract me from him.

I grabbed the keys to Nate's motorcycle, not caring that I was drunk and shouldn't be driving.

My mind was only focused on one thing: getting to the Titans clubhouse.

I barely registered where I was going or how I was getting there. I was thankful for the lack of cars on the road. I felt the bike swerving as I silently begged my head to stop spinning. It took my mind too long to see the set of headlights, or how fast they were approaching. I jerked the bike out of the lane of oncoming traffic, the car blaring its horn. The relief of narrowly missing the car didn't last long, the bike drifting from the road and into the ditch. It felt like I was watching a movie in slow motion, like no matter how much I willed my body to move, I was powerless to do anything. I felt my body leave the seat of the bike and drift through the air, but before I could feel the impact of hitting the ground, everything was dark.