Shaded ✔️

CHAPTER 35

My hands were already shaking when he pushed through the door, a look of panic on his features before he even realized I was holding a gun.

"Scarlett..."

"Don't. Nothing you could possibly say will fix this." I closed my eyes, knowing that one look at his face would have me changing my mind.

"Before you pull that trigger I just need you to know what happened. I know you have to do this Scar, I just need you to know the truth before you do." I cursed myself as I felt my cheeks turn wet.

"I was fucked up for a long time before I met you and the guys. Got into some stupid shit with the Titans. I owed their president a favour considering he saved my life more times than I could remember. When he told me what I had to do...I had no choice." I let out a sob.

"Please stop. I can't listen to this."

"Let me finish. I had no clue who your brother was, hell even who the Sons of Shadows were. If I had known what I know now I would have rather died than to know what I've caused for you. So if this is what you need to do to move past this, then I can die happy knowing it'll help you move on."

"Move on? How the fuck am I supposed to move on, Jax? It's either I kill you or I live the rest of my life knowing that I couldn't kill the man who killed my brother because I'm fucking in love with him. So either way I'm fucked. There is no moving on from this." He was silent, but I felt his eyes on me.

"All I needed to know was that you felt the same. I'm okay, Scarlett. You can do this." I gave in and finally looked at him. He had taken his cut off, his hands were up in surrender. For the first time since I met him, I saw peace in his eyes. There was a look on his face that could only be described as that of a man who was ready to die. My chest tightened up before I took the safety off the gun. He just nodded, a small smile on his face.

"I should've been dead a long time ago, Scar. I think whatever god there is was waiting for me to meet you." I could barely see him through my tears, I could barely even fucking breathe.

"I can't do this Jax."

"Yes you can. You don't have a choice." I looked at him once more, my finger on the trigger before flipping the gun and pressing it against my temple.

"SCARLETT NO-" he rushed over to me but I took a step away from him, my eyes never leaving his.

"It would be easier wouldn't it? Easier than living the rest of my life knowing that either way we're fucked. If I don't kill you, I'll have to live knowing that I let the man who killed my brother walk away. I'll still never see you again. And if I do... I wouldn't be able to live with myself anyway."

"Scarlett please-"

"I'm so goddamn sick of losing everyone I care about. This is your fucking fault Jax. You made let me sleep with you and even worse you let me care for you, even though you knew that this was doomed from the fucking start."

"I tried to stay away from you Scar, I did. But then I looked back at you on the back of my bike and I knew I couldn't. I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't put that smile back on your face every goddamn day of my life."

"So what? How long were you going to lie to me for? How long were you going to lie to the brothers, continue to be their VP knowing that you're the one who killed their fucking president? Seriously Jax, what the fuck was your plan? Because either way this would've come out and we would be exactly where we are right now."

"I know, I'm sorry. I tried to leave you alone, but that just made me want you more. I tried not to get attached to this place, these people...but you made it feel like home." My heart clenched with false hope. "But you have Anastasia and Angel now. You're going to get out of this town, I know you are. I know you'll be okay."

"Don't kid yourself Jax. I stopped being okay the day you shot my brother, maybe even before that. Then you pushed your way into my life and made me feel like maybe I could finally be okay again when the whole time you were keeping this huge fucking secret from me, and now you have the fucking nerve to tell me that I'll be okay? I will never get past this and it's your fucking fault."

He didn't say anything, just gave me a look so broken that I felt it in my stomach.

"The worst part is that I can't even force myself to hate you." I let out a humourless laugh. "I wish you had just killed me that night." I dropped the gun.

"You need to leave Jax." He held my eyes for a moment before nodding. He took a hesitant step closer to me. I kept my eyes focused on the ground until I felt his hands on my face, forcing me to look into those goddamn green eyes, bloodshot and filled with tears. He brought his lips to my forehead.

"Please just go."

"I promise you that you will never see me again." His voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper. My body shook against his, another sob threatening to break free from my chest at the thought. He kissed my forehead and I felt him move away from me.

I didn't open my eyes until I heard the sound of the door softly closing behind him.