Room 138

Chapter 19

The arrangements had all been made. Everything was set. We'd decided to do a private ceremony. One where no one knew the location. You had to be invited, and would receive directions after that.

We love our fans, we do. And we know they want to show their respects for Andy, but we needed our time. We needed that closure. We wouldn't be able to have that with a bunch of fans there.

We decided to do another memorial for him. One that we would open up for the fans. Our fans are more than just fans, they're our family. We truly loved each and everyone of them. They were hurting too, and we knew this.

I can't tell you how many tweets, messages and comments we got when we released the news. Everyone was so kind, it made my heart proud. Andy would have been proud.

I wasn't ready for the funeral. Up until the funeral, I could pretend this was all a nightmare. That Andy was just away. That he would be back at anytime and we could pick up where we left off. The funeral makes it real. Makes it final.

We all wanted to speak at the funeral. But, we all knew none of us would probably be able too. I wanted to tell the world what kind of person Andy was. How he saved me in so many ways. How he was the absolute love of my life and I was a better person because he was in my life.

Andy's parents have been amazing through this entire thing. They call us almost every hour to make sure we're okay. Make sure we're eating, and make sure we're sleeping. Truth is, none of us have been doing much of either lately.

I took a deep breath and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked horrible. Makeup would be my best friend today. You could tell by the bags under my eyes I haven't slept in days. It even looks like I've lost a few pounds. Oh well, losing a little weight never hurt anyone.

"You look like shit." I heard a familiar voice say from behind me.

I smiled slightly when I saw Matt. "Hey, have you seen yourself? You're not looking too hot either." I pointed out.

Matt nodded, shrugging "Eh, I figured you could give me some makeup tips to hide all of this." He said.

I nodded. "Have a seat" I instructed, motioning him to have a seat on the bed.

I examined his face, then turned to my makeup.

"I have to make sure this will match your skin tone." I said matter of factly. "The trick is to make it look like you're not wearing makeup."

Matt nodded. "Anything you can do to make this look better" He began, motioning around his face "works for me."

I laughed softly and shook my head. I began to work my magic and after a few minutes, he looked like a new man.

"Ta-da!" I said, rather proud of myself.

Matt grinned and looked at his face in the mirror. "Wow. It doesn't look like I haven't slept in a year anymore!" He laughed.

I shook my head and blew at my fingertips. "I know. I'm good. Thank you. Thank you." I said.

Matt's expression changed dramatically when he realized what time it was. "Guess I better go get dressed." His voice trailed off and he hung his head, heading out the door.

'Keep it together, Ashley. Keep it together.' I kept telling myself. There was a good chance I would lose it at the funeral, I wasn't going to lose it now.

I took a deep breath as I looked through my clothes. I pulled out the black jacket, a white button up and the black pants I usually wore to funerals. I tossed them on the bed and took a long look at myself in the mirror.

I didn't even recognize the person looking back at me. It wasn't me. It was a shell of the person I once was.

The person I once was died with Andy.

We had to be there soon. We decided to do the wake and funeral the same day. No use in drawing it out.

We had an hour and a half of visitation before the funeral started. Of course we would have our time to see him before they let anyone else.

I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to let him go. Wasn't ready to answer the millions of questions our friends and family would probably ask.

I just wanted to be with my husband.

I put my suit on and looked at myself once more in the mirror. Once I was satisfied, I stepped out of my room, shutting the door behind me.

The others were dressed now too. I sighed as Jinxx came up to me. "I think we should all probably ride with me. No one really needs to be driving now." He said.

I nodded. "Alright"

Jinxx nodded and turned to the others "alright, let's go." He said.

We all piled in Jinxx's car, no one saying a word.

It didn't take long to get to the funeral home. I could already feel the tears threatening to fall. I swallowed hard and opened my door.

This would be the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

With a sigh we all walked toward the door. Two men on either side opening the doors for us.

"Andy Biersack" Jake told the funeral director.

In the distance we could see a small sign that said 'Andy Biersack'

"He's down here" the man started "take as much time as you all need." He said "if you need anything, we're right outside." He added as he shut the door behind us."