Room 138

Chapter 22

I couldn't believe it. I was about to lose it. I'd managed to keep it together pretty well up until now. I knew I had to be the strong one. Ashley and the others needed me.

Carrying that casket outside, and knowing Andy's body was inside....it was too much for me to handle.

I took a deep breath as I slid in the limo, resting my head against the back of the seat. I'd been asked by his parents to say a few words at the graveside service, and I was going to try my best to do so.

The ride to the cemetery was almost in complete silence. No one knew what to say. I guess we were all dealing with this the best way we knew how.

Once the car was stopped and we all got out of the car, I cleared my throat and made my way to the front. I took a few deep breaths and offered the crowd a sad smile.

"Andy's mom asked me if I would speak today, and I almost didn't. I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it, and to be honest, I still don't know if I can..." I took a shaky breath as I looked at the crowd of people sitting in front of me.

Several of our friends from other bands were here. The Bless The Fall guys, We Came As Romans, and the Avenged guys to name a few.

"Andy was my best friend. He's been my best friend for awhile now. Our bands toured together a lot. We were always together. When we toured together, I was on the BVB bus more than I was on our bus. No one thought anything about it though. They sort of expected it." I swallowed hard, my eyes falling on the casket. "When he told me he was sick, I didn't think too much of it. Sometimes we all over exaggerate.. Things always seem worse than they really are. He didn't look sick..You know? He just, he looked like Andy. The same Andy he'd always been. I'll never forget the day he called and asked if I could come hang out. That he needed to talk to me about some things. I hadn't seen him in maybe a week, I'd been stuck in the studio...I told him I'd be there soon. When I got there, I saw a drastic change in him already. He was skinnier than he was before, (and that was saying something) but I tried not to think about it. We started talking like always..." My voice trailed off for a moment and my eyes fell on Jake who was nodding for me to continue.

"He started telling me how much he loved me. About how I was his best friend and nothing would ever change that. He said he'd never been scared of dying until now. Because of me and Ashley." I laughed softly, shaking my head "He always said he had two soul mates. Me and Ashley. And, he meant it. And we both knew it too. He said when the time comes he wanted me to be strong. He wanted me to pursue all those things that would make me happy. Right now, I don't even know what that is. I don't know what happy is anymore."

"Happy is what it was when I had all my friends. All of them. When I could call up my best friend and just shoot the shit with him anytime I wanted. When I could call Danny or Ben or whoever and talk about whatever was bothering me. And by the time we hung up, I felt a million times better." I shook my head.

"So many amazing people have lost their lives recently and it sucks. They should all be here." I could feel my knees shaking and before I knew it, I was trying not to fall.

Jake jumped up and wrapped his arm around me, helping me back to my seat. The tears streamed down my face and my body shook with the sobs that ripped through me.

"Thank you, Matt" the preacher started "I know that wasn't easy." He said.

I couldn't speak anymore. I couldn't look in front of me. All I could do was cry. I guess when you bottle your feelings up for so long, when they come out, they really come out.

The preacher finished with the service and cane by, shaking everyone's hand.

People slowly began to leave, but us and the friends who'd stopped by.

They all wanted just another minute to pay their respects.

"Matt, Ashley, all of you...we're here if you need us. Just a phone call away. Please, don't be a stranger. We love all of you." Andy's dad said as they hugged all of us.

"We won't." Jinxx started "we'll come and see you guys every chance we get." He promised.

They nodded, wiping their eyes as they headed to the car that was awaiting them in the parking lot.

"It was a nice service "CC said, clearing his throat. "Andy would have been pleased with it" He added.

And it was true. Andy would have. He would have loved how many people showed up. How many people loved him.

"So, you guys up for a little company?" Beau asked.

I wasn't really, honestly.

"Yeah, that'll be cool." Jinxx said. "Just, give us a little time to change and gather ourselves."

Beau nodded, offering a small smile. "Alright. We'll stop by in a few hours then" he said as they headed to the cars.

Now we were alone. We didn't want to leave, but we didn't want to go either.