Room 138

Chapter 20

I slowly approached the open casket in the corner of the room.

My breathing sped and I could feel my heart racing.

Matt must have saw me struggling because it wasn't long until he was beside me, slipping an arm around my waist.

"We'll do this together." He said softly.

I nodded.

I could feel my knees growing weak, and I was glad Matt had a hold of me, if he hadn't I might have fallen to the floor right then and there.

We slowly approached his casket, and I lost it.

"No." I said softly, Matt tightening his grip on me. "No. No. No." I repeated over and over.

It didn't take long for the others to be at my side. "Ashley, are you okay?" Jake asked.

"No. NO. This isn't real. It's not happening. He's supposed to be here. He's supposed to wake up and yell gotcha. We're supposed to grow old together. This isn't real!" I yelled.

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Ashley was breaking down. We all knew it would happen sooner or later. I was actually surprised he made it this long. He was breaking my heart though. I couldn't imagine what he was going through right now.

"Ashley," I began, rubbing my hand across his back "Ash, come on. You want to go for a walk?" I asked.

Ashley shook his head "No, I want someone to tell me what they've done with my husband. I don't know who this guy is, but it's not Andy." He said, shaking his head.

"Ashley, come on." I started "let's take a walk."

Ashley jerked away from my touch, shaking his head as he stepped back. "Where the fuck is he, Jake?!" He screamed "tell me what they've done with him!"

I swallowed hard, fighting my own emotions. "Ashley, come on bro. You know that's Andy. We were all there when he passed." I said softly.

"It's not fucking funny. Not funny at all." He shook his head, turning once more to look in the casket. "This is not him!" He cried, gripping the sides tight. "It's not my husband."

He was breaking my heart and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Ashley," Matt began, his voice soft "I wish this was a nightmare. I wish I could make it okay for you. But, I can't" He said "all I can do is assure you I'll be there until you get tired of me."

Ashley swallowed hard, his eyes fixed on Andy's body. "I can't....I can't believe he's gone." He cried, almost collapsing against my chest. I kept my arms wrapped around him tightly.

"I know, Ashley. It doesn't seem real to me. It seems like this is a nightmare we're all going to wake up from any moment. But, it's not. This is real. It's happening. And we have to learn how to get through it on our own." I added.

Ashley nodded slightly, reaching his hand inside the casket to lightly stroke Andy's cheek. "How do I let him go?" He asked, tears pouring from his eyes. "I promised him I would always be with him. So, how do I let him go now?"

I sighed. "You know something? I made him that same promise. I said I would always be there for him, and I was. For as long as I was able too." I reminded him "and so were you. He loved you, ash. Loved you more than I think you know. You were the love of his life. You made him happy, and even when you found out he was sick and wouldn't make it, you still married him. Not a lot of people would've done that."

Jake nodded. "That's right. You said you wanted him to enjoy the final days of his life, and he did. You could tell by his face he did. You made him happier than he'd ever been in his life. He wouldn't want you to feel this way. He would want you to smile again. He said that was one of his favorite things. You smiling."

I slowly stepped back from the casket, bringing Ashley with me. I helped him sit down on one of the couches, keeping an arm wrapped around him.

Ashley took a deep, shaky breath "I'm sorry." He started "I don't know why I flipped out and started yelling at everyone." He said.

I shook my head "if anyone has the right to flip out, it's you. You've been through hell." I said.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Jake." He said.

Jake shook his head. "You have no reason to be sorry. No reason at all."

"You going to be okay now?" Jinxx asked.

Ashley nodded "as long as you guys don't leave me, I should be fine."

We nodded. There was no way we'd be leaving him anytime soon.

"We're all in the together." I said, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Now, all I had to do was convince myself.