Room 138

Chapter 23

"Now what do we do?" James asked, gently taking Jake's hand in his own.

Jake took a breath "I don't want to leave him." He said softly.

None of us did. I know Matt & Ashley did especially.

"Well, eventually we'll have to leave" I started. "And it sucks, but we can't take him with us. Not this time."

Ashley nodded and slowly got to his feet. I jumped at his side to steady him if he needed it. "Let's go." He said softly.

I nodded.

Ashley stopped by Andy's casket one more time, running his hand along it.

"I love you baby." He said softly, a single tear slipping down his cheek.

It broke my heart to watch and I had to quickly pull myself together so I didn't break down too.

I helped Ashley in the car and waited for the others to join us.

Matt wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and took James and Jake's hands as they helped him up.

Matt stood and stared at the casket for a few moments before nodding and heading toward the car, CC following closely behind.

This wasn't going to be easy. Everyday would prove to be a struggle. Time does heal wounds though, so I had no doubt in time we'd all be able to find that happiness again.

"I'm sorry, guys." Matt said softly, looking down at the floor.

I shook my head. "Why are you apologizing?"

He took a deep breath, looking at me. "I was supposed to be strong. I was supposed to help Ashley. I couldn't help him. I was selfish and had to take time for me." He said.

Ashley sat up, shaking his head as he grabbed Matt's hand. "Okay, you stop that now. I don't want to hear talk like that coming from you. You have been there for me. You hear me? You've thought more about us than yourself and let's face it you've lost just as much as everyone else has." He said, giving Matt's hand a squeeze. "You needed to let it out. You need to talk about it. And we're your family, we're here to help you."

The others nodded "he's right, Matt. You need to think about you too. We all need each other to get through this. If we don't have each other; who knows what will happen to us."

And it was true. I didn't know what would come of any of us if we didn't stick together. I was worried about everyone,  but Ashley and Matt were at the top of my watch list for now at least.

We pulled up in front of my house and all slipped out of the car and slowly made our way inside.

It still felt as though we'd left Andy. It didn't feel right. I knew it never would feel right.

"I think I'm gonna go lay down and try to rest" Matt said as he headed down the hallway to the bedrooms.

I sighed and watched him as he walked away. This entire situation was breaking my heart. I hated seeing my family in pain.

I knew there was nothing I could do to help him, and that hurt even worse.

"I'm gonna go check on him" Ashely said, offering me a small smile.

I nodded slowly, flopping down on the couch next to CC.
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I stood outside Matt's door for a few minutes, trying to decide if I should knock or not.

I knew he was upset and probably wanted to be alone, but I needed to make sure he was okay. The same way he had for me so many times.

I knocked on the door and waited outside for him to answer.

When I didn't hear anything I opened the door slowly, calling out his name "Matt? Matt are you okay?" I asked.

I saw his frame lying on the bed. Was he asleep? If he was, I didn't want to disturb him.

I sighed and stepped inside the room, shutting the door behind me. His figure wasn't moving, but I still couldn't tell if he was asleep.

"Matt?" I called out softly. "Matt, are you asleep?"

Just then I heard him sniffle, and could see his shoulders shake. Matt wasn't asleep. Matt was crying.

I carefully climbed on the bed, gently rubbing across his back. "I'm so sorry, Matt. I should have paid more attention to your feelings. You loved Andy too." I said, swallowing back my tears.

Matt shook his head, burying his face further in the mattress.

"You don't have to be ashamed, Matt. It's just me."  I said softly, laying down next to him.

Matt turned his head slightly, looking over at me. "I miss him, Ashley. Miss him so fucking much."

I nodded, pulling him into a hug. I let my eyes slip closed as I held on to him, soothingly running my fingers through his hair. "I do too, Matt. I do too." I said softly.

The two of didn't speak much more. Nothing needed to be said. We knew what the other was feeling and there was no need for more explanation.

After what felt like hours, Matt seemed to calm and his body seemed to relax against mine. It wasn't long until a soft snore was emitted from his parted lips. Matt was asleep.

I smiled slightly, keeping him close as I allowed my own body to relax. I didn't know how long it had been since I'd had a good night sleep. Maybe I would actually get some tonight.

I let my eyes close slowly, finding it hard to keep my eyes open. And the last thing I saw was black.