Anselm's Adventurers

Part 2: Battle for Drakerune

Haver reluctantly came out of retirement in Dudona, and began a new career as a paladin, doing his best to keep young Victoria, ancient Anselm, and the never-predictable Madge out of terminal troubles. That was how they came to be trudging up a road in Markland. Anselm had hitched a ride with Hammer the Grublet, a driver for UPS (the Unwashed Parcel Service), whose faithful blue ox hauled his heavy cart up hill and down. Madge was asleep in the back of the cart (sleeping off another epically random tantrum). Haver and Victoria kept pace with Thrall, a tall, dark ranger who was heading their way, accompanied by his half-wild wolf. All in all, it was a beautiful day in Aya.

Until the kobolds came. The battle was fierce, and fatal for their animal companions. Babe turned into ox-burger and the wolf was wiped out at one blow. Hammer, Haver, and Thrall managed to keep humans alive, however.

Anselm and the girls decide to rest in the cart while the warlike men pushed on for Drakerune, a modest village not too far away where Hammer thought he could find an Unwashed Parcel Service office with a spare tow-beast.

The road to Drakerune should have been easy to follow, but for some reason, every turn they took led them away from town and towards a mysterious hut in the woods. After several attempts to avoid what was obviously a dead end, the three men finally decided to knock on the front door. They were expecting trouble, or a trap of some sort, but instead, a wizened old woman tottered to the door and peered out.  Haver didn't trust her--she had "hag" written all over her warts and wrinkles--but Hammer and Thrall had no objection to buying a couple of potions from her and getting directions to the UPS office in Drakerune. In a short time, they were back on a road which led them right into town.

Unfortunately, the town was under attack! The band of kobolds they had previously fought must have been heading for Drakerune, where an entire army of the nasty little lizard creatures was tearing the town apart. The women and children of the village were screaming in terror as the terribly unskilled men flailed at their adversaries with hoes, hatchets, or other primitive tools. 

The warriors unsheathed their swords (and Hammer his hammer) and leapt into the fray. Kobolds are fierce but not terribly clever, and were no match for the cut and thrust of armed and armored humans. 

In the midst of the mayhem, an aged villager approached them with a precious package. "Take this to the Mage's Guild in Gloriana!" he whispers. "Keep it secret! Keep it safe!" 

Haver took the cloth-wrapped bundle and started to open it when a pseudodragon leaped over a wall and ripped into the villager's vitals. "No!" Haver shouted. He shoved the package into his pack and attacked the creature. Pseudodragons may be tiny (as dragons go) but they can still pack a punch--the old man was terribly wounded and was nearly dead before Haver could dispatch it.

Haver lifted the old man's head, trying to catch his dying words. "Beware!" he whispered. He gasped out a few more incomprehensible syllables. "Mother"!" he cried.

"Poor old fellow," Haver thought. "He'll join his mother soon enough." But there was no time to mourn the man; Hammer and Thrall were fighting for their lives against a gelatinous cube halfway across the village square. Haver hurried to their aid.

The hideous creature had already engulfed a dozen villagers. Their struggling forms could be seen within its bloated, translucent form. Hammer whaled away at it with his hammer, but the monster just splashed out protoplasm and closed over the hole. Thrall's broadsword cut great slashes through the slime but did no lasting damage. Haver instantly saw his sword would be useless against it--it was time to use his new abilities as a novice paladin.

"Hear me, thou creature of violence!" According to his teacher, he was supposed to get his opponent's attention before unleashing the spell. Haver couldn't tell whether the cube was paying attention yet, so he came closer. "Hey, slimy! I'm talking to you!" The vast moist mass oozed closer. "That's more like it! Over here, Jello-brains!" The cube suddenly surged at Haver, who stepped back as fast as he could, and finished the spell. "With the measure thou hast measured shall it be measured unto thee! All the violence thou hast done shall now be done to thee!"

Nobody is quite sure how much violence it takes to digest twelve unarmed villagers, but it was quite a bit more than a gelatinous cube can withstand. With a noise disturbingly similar to projective vomiting (or diarrhea) (or both), the cube exploded. Bits of slime and decomposing villagers splattered everything for thirty feet or more. Hammer, Haver, and Thrall wiped the goo off their faces and gazed around at what was left of the village.

"That used to be the UPS office," Hammer muttered, pointing to a burning hut. Behind it was a burning stable. "Now I'm going to have to go all the way to Wormtrax for a replacement." 

"Wormtrax?" Thrall asked. "Is that near here? I heard they have a pub that serves sassafras ale."

"Yes--that would be 'Ale & Worms,' or just plain 'A&W.' I've never cared for the stuff myself, but some folks swear by it. I can show you where it is if you're interested."

"Sign me up!" Thrall enthused. "Maybe I can get the recipe."

"Not me," Haver said, feeling the mysterious lump in his pocket. "I've got to get back to Victoria and the others."