My heart is breaking, mind is busting at the seams
I feel like I'm being torn apart by things that I cannot see
I don't know how to explain it, can't tell anyone what's wrong
Can't tell them why I lie awake at night feeling alone.
Even when I'm not alone and I've got him by my side,
I can't help but feel like everyone would be fine if I just died
I don't wanna go on like this, don't wanna feel like a freak,
But I don't know what else to do,
Feels like the walls are closing in on me.
I go to a doctor once a month and I sit down
Across from her in a chair and tell her about my problems.
I say something like, "I'd be a little better if these thoughts would stop
Because I wake up everyday wishing I had died last night."
She looks at me with heavy eyes, I bet this job just gets the best of her
Because she sighs and smiles at me and tells me ways that I can feel better.
"Write in your journal, call some friends, play some music.
Even when you feel alone, you've got people who do love you.
I know it's hard to cope with all the shit that you've gone through,
But you've gotta realize this life is yours for a reason; it was meant for you."
So, I go home and I lie down at night and try to get some sleep
But I keep looking at the ceiling because I know I'm gonna have those bad dreams.
I close my eyes and pray to God, asking him for a change
Because I know if I don't stop feeling like this, I won't make it past 19.
