The Silent Killer

September 2nd, 2017.

-TRIGGER WARNING. SUICIDE AND SELF HARM--

Dear Diary.

Today is the one year anniversary of my dads death. I stayed in my room and cried all day. I didn't even go with mum and Tom to the graveyard to put flowers on his stone. I couldn't function, I just lay in bed in a ball crying.

Tom brought me some food before he left with mum to go put flowers on dad's headstone but I was too upset to eat.

I miss my dad so much, his death was the worst thing to ever happen to me in my life, nothing could ever top this grief.

I suppose if anything, his death is convincing me to put a lot of effort into researching Depression and get help so that I don't end up suffering as badly as he was.

This morning I wrote down exactly how I felt when I woke up; in the form of just my thoughts.

"I've been awake about 30 seconds, and I'm still in the small space of time where I feel okay before everything rushed in. It's the year anniversary of Dad's death.... and suddenly the memories rush in. The cuts. The scars. The crying. The scream of terror from my mum when she found him on the floor. He had overdosed and slit his arm open, to the point where he had basically bled all 8 pints out over mum's cream carpet. I miss him so much...."

I couldn't write anything more after that, I was crying so much.

I can't write anything else, I've cried so much I have no more energy....

- Jess.

A/N - sorry for the gore. I needed to get it out.