The Silent Killer

September 5th, 2017.

Dear Diary.

Today was my first day at college. I woke up really early and got ready to go about half an hour before I needed to leave, so I sat down with my brother to eat some breakfast.

While I was eating, the strangest thing happened. I started to feel really sick and nervous in the pit of my stomach, and before I knew it, my breathing had gone funny and I was breathing really really fast. My hands were shaking and I was sweating. My brother took one look at me and asked me if I was okay, but I was too freaked out to reply. He went and got my mum, who told me I was having a panic attack. She got me a paper bag and told me to breathe into it. So I did. After about five minutes I was feeling a lot better.

Mum said that it's normal to be anxious, especially on my first day, and not to worry about it too much, but to bring it up with my therapist when I see her next week.

Anyway on to college. When I arrived, it was buzzing with loads of people who looked a lot like me - wide eyed with nerves, huge backpacks (like year 7's at high school) and maps in hand. I went to the reception, where a girl was standing there talking to the receptionist. I figured out from the conversation that her name was Kayleigh. She had long blonde hair and a lot of make up on. She was tall; one of those tall people with legs up to their chests. From her demeanour I could tell that she was one of the popular girls, and I didn't know whether she would be friends with someone like me but it was worth a shot, so when she had finished talking to the receptionist I went up to her and nervously introduced myself. She took one look at me and sneered... Okay, I guessed she wasn't going to be friends with me.

The receptionist was lovely, she showed me on the map where I needed to be and how to get there without getting caught in the infamous corridor traffic jams.

Classes went great, my teachers were really pleased with my work and said I have a lot of potential, which my dad had said anyway. I made a new friend in my Biology class, a small, nervous looking girl called Cathy. Her full name was Catherine but she said she prefers to be called Cathy. She has mousy brown hair and she's very short and slim.. But she's lovely to me. We're in Biology and Chemistry together so we ended up spending most of the day in each others company. She told me that she went to school with Kayleigh and that she's really snobby, which I had already figured from our "exchange" earlier.

Cathy sat with me at lunch and talked to me about her family, and I told her about mine (leaving out the part about dad... I just told her he was away for work). Cathy invited me to her house at the weekend, which I gladly accepted. I'm just pleased to have a new friend. Cathy is unlike Amy, because Amy's sense of humour can sometimes cause arguments, whereas Cathy is a lot like me, in that she isn't banterous.

At the end of the day mum had come to pick me up, wanting to hear about my day. Cathy's mum was just behind mine, so I said goodbye to Cathy, and she gave me a quick hug! Amy never hugs me! It was comforting to know I had made such a great friend in the short space of one day.

Mum was intrigued to know about my day, so I relayed it all back to her, including the part with Kayleigh. Mum laughed and said that you get a lot of people like that at college; people who think they know everything.

All in all it was an amazing first day and I really can't wait to go back tomorrow.

- Jess

A/N - Hi guys! Slightly longer this time; as her college days get busier and as things start to get a bit more interesting with regards to depression, they will get longer. I just want to say thank you for the support, I am actually going to be on the local news talking about this book. I am aware that some people have said to me that you can't really convey just how awful depression is - well that's the aim of this. I'm going to do my best to convey exactly how dark and hopeless you feel in order to make others understand.

As always, thank you for reading☺️💕