I took a deep breath as I stared into the mirror. I looked at myself and soaked in how much I've changed. I took off the eyeliner, and the mascara. I slipped out of my black leather jacket, skinny jeans and tank top. Shrugging on a bath robe I started the shower. Grabbing my clothes off my floor, I stuffed them into a bag and shoved them away not to be found by anyone but myself. I got into the shower and let the scalding hot water rush over me. I didn't care that my skin was turning red, and burning. I was too engulfed in my thoughts. I had changed so much. I didn't want to even think about how bad my grades must have gotten. My parent's are going to kill me. I finally realized the temperature of the water and stepped out from under the shower head and turned the water to a more comfortable heat. After I finished I stepped out and went straight to my room. I opened my closet and took out one of my old unattractive pajama sets and put it on. It was ugly but this style was apart of me for so long, too long.
I got into my bed and took a deep breath. I was changing so quickly, and so fast. Maybe I wasn't ready to be with Dylan.
A million thoughts swarmed through my head, I thought I'd never get any sleep. At some point though, I did fall asleep. At a point between, Did I want to be with Dylan? and How could I break up with him.
I woke up the next morning and grabbed a short sleeved shirt that had Grant University, my high schools name on it, a purple hoodie with GU written on the front in Gold letters, and a pair of jeans. This was the only outfit my parents bought for me, that wasn't in the normal clothes I got. I put it on and grabbed my backpack and tennis shoes. I was out the door without even a word to my parents. I skipped going to Echo's house and went straight to school. I wasn't in the mood to talk, and Echo could always tell when I was upset no matter what kind of look I had on my face. I got to school super early, which meant I had to sit in the cafe and wait. I sat down at a far table in the corner and got out my journal.
Today is the day. I knew it would come at some point, I just didn't know I would be the one to do it. I didn't think it would be this early. I'm just not doing well anymore. I'm always paranoid and I've drifted away from my best friend. He's doing something to me, something, but I don't know what. He's hiding a lot and he's been really distant lately. We come from two seriously different worlds. I wish that it didnt have to be like this, but it does...
I shut my notebook and wiped away a tear that cascaded down my face. I looked into a dark hallway and saw the figure of a body. Not a teachers body, or anyone on the staff. They had a hoodie on. It was undeniably a student. I waited for them to come closer or at least stand under the light they were closer to so I could see who it was. Finally the person walked towards me. As I watched I could start to make out the face, it didnt take me long to realize it was Dylan. I quickly shoved my notebook into my backpack and got up from the table, going into the girls' bathroom. I splashed some water on my face. I stared at myself in the mirror. You can do this. I walked out of the bathroom and saw him standing there, I took a deep breath and tried to remain calm.
"Dylan, can we talk?" I asked, my voice starting to shake.
"Sure," He said his voice smooth, and calm.
I could feel my temperature rising, and I was starting to sweat. First boyfriend, first break up. This is all so new to me. We sat down at a table, I sat across from him.
"Dylan," I paused not recognizing my own voice. I tried to gather some strength. "I think we should break up." It came out as almost a whisper.
His eyes glazed over with tears, but quickly went away.
"Why?" He asked
"We come from two different worlds. I'm not used to yours, youre not used to mine."
"We can get used to them," He said his eyes turning black with anger.
I swallowed hard, "No Dylan," I said as I stood up and picked up my bag.
I started to walk away, when I heard him faintly whisper, "I love you."
I kept walking, I couldn't do this anymore. He deserved someone that could be a better match for him. Maybe he could be with Jessica, if they put their differences aside. Whatever he decided, it would be better than myself.
I walked into class and sat down my seat, I grabbed my notebook out and started to write again.
I love you. Those are the last words he said to me after I broke up with him. I'm so stupid. After he told me he loved me I walked away. I walked away. I WALKED AWAY. Dylan Joseph Holland loves me, and I had the balls to just leave. Do I love him? I'm not even sure what love is. Does love exist? I dont know what love is, but I do know I feel strongly towards Dylan. I'm just not ready for all of the stuff that comes with relationships, I dont know how to handle or deal with the things that come with a relationship either.
I shut my notebook as more kids started to come into the classroom. I went about my day, quietly and slowly.
When I got home there was a note tucked inside my window. I went over and grabbed it.
To Bee, from Dyl.<3
Was written on the front of the note.
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Short chapter, I'll update again later.<3
