Secrets

An unexpected guest

I quickly rushed off to my room and locked the door behind me and thought what the hell was that. I fell to the bed thinking of the days events and what was I really going to do. Could I actually act like his wife after everything that has happened over the past few days with Marcus? What am I going to do about Marcus how am I going to get him out my system especially if I have to see him frequently. I had so much on my mind I don't even remember falling asleep. 

I woke up to loud noise coming from the kitchen. I wondered who the hell it could be I lived alone. I walked in the kitchen with a bat in hand to find Marissa. Marissa stood with a frying pan in her hand preparing to make breakfast. What the hell are you doing here, I asked? Is that anyway to great your sister? I looked at her and said are you going to answer my question? A sister can't visit her brother? Why are you here Marissa? I'm here to help you with choosing which candidate to endorse father informed me that you are meeting g with Lamar Taylor today. And he wanted me to accompany you. Marcus looked at Marissa suspiciously, when does father care about who I endorse and when he did interfere he never required Marissa or anyone else to ever accompany me. I don't have time for this...I need to get dressed or I'm going to be late. I left Marissa in the kitchen to hop in the shower once I was done I  put on a pair of jeans and button up shirt. I rolled the sleeves up as I put my shoes on. I  walked back into the room where Marissa was waiting she raised her head when she noticed I had entered the room. Shall we go she asked? Without saying a word I headed for the door. The drive over was quite I looked out of the window and only thoughts of her filled his mind. My thoughts were always filled with her, her smile, her eyes and especially the way she felt. I have to stop torturing myself, I thought. The car came to a stop and the driver opened the door. Marissa and I approached the door before we could knock the door opened and we were greeted by Carlos. Welcome he said as he stepped aside to allow us to enter. 

A soft knock interrupted my thought, I took a deep breathe I walked to the door, unlocked it and opened it slowly. Lamar stood there with something in his eyes I have not seen in them before desire. I was frozen but he broke the silence asking, Are you ready? Yes, I said looking down so my eyes would not meet his. He extended his arm for me to take,  I accepted and he escorted me downstairs this was a gesture I was not familiar with. He did say he would try so I guess this was him trying.  I took his hand and walked with him downstairs to greet our guest. As we entered the foyer I noticed Marcus standing with a beautiful women that looked familiar but I could not place her I know I seen her somewhere before not recent but before. She had flawless brown skin you can tell she had been tanning , she was petite standing about 5'3 and her grey eyes were memorizing. Her tight curls were all in place. Her beauty to me seemed effortless and I felt a hint of jealousy.  Hello Marcus said as his eyes met mine, he quickly detached the connection and said let me introduce you both to my sister before he could finish, Lamar said Marissa with a little hurt in his voice.  Lamar you know her I asked in a low voice, but instead of him answering she answered for him. We've meet she said seductively never breaking eye contact with him. Making me feel a little uncomfortable. Marissa had met Lamar on many occasions she kept him warm at night but it had been a while since he had seen her. The tension between them was obvious and everyone was quite. I was looking at Lamar and the way he responded to Marissa knowing all to well that look of desire, lust maybe even love. But Lamar did not look at her in the same regard in fact it seemed as though he was angry. Marissa broke the silence I need to have a word with Lamar in private on fathers behalf of course. Marissa took Lamar by the hand and lead him to the study as if this was not her first time leading him there.  I became a little disgusted at the thought of them knowing each other. I had come to expect nothing less from Lamar but one thing he never did was display affection for another in my face ever, I guess I could give him kudos for that but the connection that he shared with her made me feel a little uneasy. Marcus interrupted my thoughts by asking, are you okay? I forgot Marcus was there. I looked at him and without saying a word I left him standing in the kitchen. 

I was not quite sure what  just happened but I was sure that my sister knew Lamar quite well. Crista was very bothered by the scene that just unfolded I could see it on her face as she walked out of the room. I followed her. Crista wait I said but she wouldn't stop she kept walking until she was outside the front door. I grabbed her arm to stop her from walking she turned around and said, What Marcus? Are you okay? Why wouldn't I be it's not like my husband has never been with another women before. He just never did it in my face like that she said in a lowered voice and confusion on her face. What do you mean I asked? Nothing she said, it doesn't matter anyway. I pulled her close to me and said it does matter it matters to me you matter to me. She looked up to meet my eyes, and quickly looked away. Look at me I said, but she didn't so I continued. What do you mean? She took a deep breathe before speaking, my marriage is not the loving marriage everyone makes it out to be, she paused and looked at Marcus. Lamar doesn't love me he only married me for status and the money my dad left me when he died. Why would you marry him, I  asked confused. It wasn't like I had a choice my father didn't want to leave me alone Lamar convinced him he would love and cherish his daughter and she would be taken care of. My heart ached as I listened to her words then I spoke. Why not leave then. Her eyes displayed fear, He would never let that happen and  really where would I go to escape him he would hunt me down image is everything to him what people think and what is true are two completely different things. Do you love him, I asked. She looked at me not expecting that question and said what do you think. It doesn't matter what I think I need to hear you say it. She turned away from me for a second looking into the distance deciding how to answer the question then she spoke. Maybe there was a time that I thought I could. And now, I asked?  No I don't love him I never have. He took away any hope for love a long time ago. 

In that moment I wanted to love her be loved by her to give her the world if I could but to help her out of this situation that she felt was hopeless. Then I spoke,  What if I could help you. Help me how, she asked? Help you out of this situation. How could you why would you, she asked? I stepped closer to her and said if you didn't hear me before you matter to me.

My heart skipped a beat when he said it a second time, I heard him loud and clear the first time he had said it...but regardless I did not want him to be a part of my chaotic life any more than he already was. I looked up to meet his eyes I can't ask you to do that... He grabbed my hands and electricity shot through me you didn't ask he said I offered, he didn't break eyes contact looking at me trying to read me and then he said, think about it. I didn't respond I just broke eye contact broke free of his grip of my hands and walked back toward the house because if I didn't move away from him at that moment I might let him do what he is asking and so much more but I can't.  He deserves so much more than me.