Scatterbrained {ConnorxReader}

~Chapter 17~

//FIND AMANDA//

A sharp wind billowed the sides of my jacket away from my body. What had happened to the peaceful garden I had once visited? I clutched my sides from a sudden feeling of- what was happening to me? I held a hand over my eyes, shielding them from the snow pelting absolutely everything in its path. There were no more birds singing. No more lapping water. A distance away, I found a silhouette standing over ice. My feet guided me towards the figure. Uneasiness settled in my Android-equivalent of a stomach when my feet hit the ice of the used-to-be moat. No, I can't feel. This isn't right.
"You weren't supposed to remember that, Connor." My head snapped up to meet with Amanda's dark brown eyes. They were barely visible in the snowstorm.
"I...I don't know how it happened, this has to be a mistake-" I had to shout over not only the wind, but my own conflicting questions.
"(L/N) happened. You got too close, and now she is intruding into the investigation. Why didn't you listen to me?" The guilt pressed deeper and deeper into my processor, threatening to break it.
"I don't...know. I don't know!" I had to repeat my words when my voice was drowned out the first time.
"Get rid of (L/N). She isn't needed." My thirium pump regulator skipped a beat. My eyes found themselves staring intensely at the snowed-over ice. Hurt (Y/N)? My LED shone bright yellow against the snow falling all around us. My hair was disheveled and coated with snow along with the rest of my clothing. The blizzard faded away around me.
"If you refuse orders, I may have to replace you."

I'm brought back to reality by the gentle breeze and warming sun. Y/N was in my arms, drying her tears in my shoulder. My head rested against hers, looking at her shining hair in the sun. My arms were wrapped around her figure, feeling the fabric of her clothing. Bliss. I could be here forever.
"Get rid of (L/N). She isn't needed."
My right hand trailed up to the back of her neck. I could easily cut off her oxygen flow. My fingers began to squeeze. My breath hitched and I stopped myself. I can't. Something in me screaming, begging. I can't hurt her. If she were dead...that wouldn't help the investigation. But another unknown force knew it was more than just that.
Y/N pulled away, the strange feeling in my pump regulator disappearing. The breeze blew the hair out of her face on its own, allowing her to look into my eyes. I suddenly felt so inferior. So normal. Compared to her, I was nothing. She was the one that kept me running, the larger, more important part to me. I wasn't anything without her.
"I..." My words failed to be spoken. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
She smiled. A true smile. Not one hiding away tears or fear.
"Nothing. You're perfect."
I smiled back.
"You've been working on your smile."
"I may or may not have practiced with Sumo."
She laughed at that. I don't think I understood why, but I went along with it. Was that strange? I focused on the sounds emitting from her vocal cords. I loved it.

//SOFTWARE INSTABILITY//

"Are you feeling alright now?" Connor asked, close by your side.
"Alright? What do you mean?
"You were crying. You also seemed upset towards me." Yelling at him. Accusing him of not remembering his own death. And soon succumbing to his grasp, crying into his shoulder.
"Oh. Wow, I had completely forgotten about that."
"Then I'll take that as a yes."
"You dork." You bumped him in the side. Yet you could tell Connor was already over-analyzing your action, questioning why you had called him a dork.
"What did I do to be called a 'dork'?"
"You're not a dork. You're much smarter than me." You told him.
"I'm still trying to understand human 'slang'."
"That wasn't really slang, but I appreciate the effort." A humble smile rested on your face. You had found yourselves in a park, with trees, flowers, laughing children and the sun above. Maybe life was alright for now. Near your dominant hand, you felt something brush up against your skin. You didn't think much of it. Until the object appeared again. You quickly jerked your hand away, thinking a bug had landed on your hand and just really seemed to like it. When you turned around to see the presumed bug, you found Connor, looking frantically between your hands looking confused and hurt.
Did...did he want to hold your hand?
You silently and slowly reached out your hand with a curious smile. The Android awkwardly grabbed hold of your hand. When you continued to walk side by side, the awkward grab turned into a comfortable hug. But between hands. It was strange. Like your hands had been created perfectly to mold together when they touched.
You hadn't thought an Android holding hands with a human would be out-of-the-norm, until...
"Y/N! Hey, Y/N is that you?" An unfamiliar voice called. A few heads on benches and swings turned, but they returned to their activities. Connor was immediately searching for the voice. You knew he had found his target when he stopped in his tracks, directing his attention away from you. Even in the sun his LED shone gold. God, you wish you could know what he was thinking.
"Where were you? I've been calling you like... every other day and you never picked up." A tall, bulky man approached, strong emotion in his stride. Your heart stopped fluttering when your hand was unlocked from Connor's.
Connor took one step front of your body. The stranger stopped. Then he waved his hand in front of your face.
"Hello?! I know it's you. Are you deaf?" Connor remained silent. You were thankful that the stranger was ignoring him. Because of all the deviancy issues going on nearby, things could take a bad turn. You didn't want to get him hurt. You just had him taken away from you.
"Uhm..." You absentmindedly rubbed your arm with your hand. "Who are you?" The short stubble on his face followed his lips into a shocked expression.
"Sorry, I just don't think I've ever met you before." He took a step back.
"Mike? Your boyfriend?" Mike gestured his hands wildly between you and him. You tugged the sleeve of the dark grey jacket in front of you.
"Connor let's go." You whispered. Mike finally seemed to notice the Android blocking you from him.
"Oh, well what's this?" Your heart pounded in your ears when he took a strong step towards Connor.
"That isn't of any importance to you." The Android replied cooly. Mike huffed. Your fingers struggled to hold onto Connor's jacket from how intensely they shook.
"Huh. Okay then." Mike began to storm off from wherever he came from, when he did a complete one-eighty back to face you.
"You know what, fuck it. I never cared about...this anyways." He pointed from him, to you, back to him again.
"Have fun with your fuck-bot, Y/N." Mike stormed off back to wherever he came from. The two of you were quiet as the threat moved away. Connor's gaze remained on your supposed 'ex-boyfriend'. You didn't realize how close you were to Connor until you hit his side and then shuffled away.
"Connor." You tilted your head up to meet his eyes. "Do you know him? Your LED was yellow." He paused, taking a moment to find your gaze.
"We can talk about this. Let's sit at that bench."
"What? No, I don't need to sit." You objected his offer while shaking your head.
"I could feel your hands shaking when you grabbed me, let's sit." The brunette took the lead, following a dirt path. Alongside the path was an empty grey bench. For the first few seconds sitting down side-by-side, you counted the children chasing pigeons or talking with their Androids. Nine. The group of birds by an abandoned sandwich. Eleven. The girl who forgot most of her life and can't do anything about it. One. The RK800 thinking over his words silently. One.
"Do you remember..." His hands immediately clamped together. "When I returned to your house to collect some clothes of yours? When you had the anxiety attack?" You, not leaving his gaze, nodded.
"In your bedroom, I found what I assume is your phone. The wallpaper was set to a picture of you and Mike." The children nearby were abruptly muffled. The cars all around were muted. Everything but the Android in front of you started to disappear.
"You were smiling. Smiling brighter than I've ever seen." Mike...that supposed stranger was right. And the way he spoke...
"You know what, fuck it. I never cared about...this anyways."
Something strange erupted in your chest. Your throat began to close up.
"Y/N, I-" You desperately grabbed for something as the world began to fall apart. Connor's hand. "I'm sorry."
"He never cared." Your voice was barely above a whisper, yet Connor could still hear.
"Is that why I can't remember?" You felt his larger hand above yours.
"...I don't think you need to remember that." He took an unneeded breath of air. "He didn't deserve you."
Without knowing why, tears started to pour out of your heart. Your mind, your emotions. You were too tired to cry, but here you were. An arm draped around your shoulder. You didn't need to check whose it was.
"I'll never let anyone treat you like that again."