Reflection

Empty

Jesse fiddled with the ember colored pill bottle in her hand a long and anxious sigh escaping her scarlet lips. She was feeling lost and their was no other way to put it. She thought of all the what if scenarios, but none of that helped her. She thought of who to blame, but she knew she could only blame.

Jesse looked at her reflection in the mirror, the dark bags under her eyes indicating how tired she was. Her brunette hair was disheveled from laying on it. Red eyes and tear streaks explicitly showed that she had been crying recently. 

Jesse couldn't help but wonder about the past. She yearned for those days and she craved the adventure as well as the dangers that came with it. She knew that she shouldn't be dwelling in the past after all it was getting her nowhere, but it was all she could think about. 

The palms of her hands were clutching the quartz counter top, tired dark brown eyes staring back at her.

She felt her bones tingle, but she didn't open her pill bottle, their was no point in taking the medicine when she knew it was impossible to cure.

Her mind flashed to the argument she had with Petra all those years ago and a pang of guilt stabbed her side. Oh how she wished she would've reacted differently instead of taking out her resentful frustration out on her red head best friend and the worst part was that she couldn't say sorry.

She thought of how when she accepted Hadrian's deal how shocked all her friends were when she told them. She wondered what would've happened if she would've actually kept that deal. Jesse snapped out of that train of thought and looked at herself bitterly. 

Jesse was completely lacking self-esteem. She never felt like she was good for anything, despite the things hundreds of fans told her. Jesse couldn't let a day go by without criticizing herself and each day the words only grew harsher.

Jesse sighed and turned around, gazing at the shiny golden door knob. She bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath before opening the door.

Almost instantly she remembered the shouting, the laughter, and the fighting that took place within these walls.

I can help you...

Jesse almost wanted to give in, listen to the voice in her mind, but something held her back.

The secret is to be empty...

Jesse took a few steps to the right and sat on the mahogany stairs, grasping her teal and white shirt. Her stomach growled like a wolf cornering it's prey, but she didn't even have an appetite.

The thought of food only made her feel sick, she thought of all the calories she would gain. She thought of everything negative about it.

"Jesse?"

Jesse glanced up as a shadow cast over her, meeting glimmering azure eyes.

She gazed at his outstretched hand for a moment before taking his hand. Lukas helped Jesse up and walked down the steps.

Their footsteps creaking on the stairs echoed off of the walls and it only reminded Jesse of the numbness that she felt and the emptiness tugging on her heart.

"Jesse...," Lukas said, glancing over his shoulder to see Jesse looking desolate, he could see it in her eyes.

"...I'm fine...."

Lukas' eyes beamed with concern, but he continued to walk down the stairs with Jesse behind him.

He couldn't shake off the pang of guilt in his own side, he felt like he was responsible for the way she was. For not being their and for putting a hobby over all his friends. After all, writing could have waited a while longer.

The blonde reached the last step and mentally made a promise to make it up to Jesse and the others.

Lukas glanced over his shoulder for a moment, as he thought of all the ways to make it up to Jesse.

Jesse reached the last step with a shaky sigh and Lukas' blue eyes suddenly lit up.

"Hold on...," Lukas swiftly says, jogging towards Radar's office. Jesse leaned against the railing, wondering why she felt this way, wondering why she felt so numb.

She wished she didn't feel so cold. She felt like she was giving off an unwelcoming vibe.

Jesse almost wanted to let go of life... almost. The only thing that was stopping her was the pain and grief she would cause everyone else. She didn't want her friends to mourn over her and that was only one of the reasons why she was still alive.

Another reason was that she wanted to help others that were going through the same thing. Help them find that light in the blinding darkness. She knew that she needed to find that light first though, but even she didn't felt like she could.

Jesse bit her bottom lip and gazed up. She saw Lukas a soft smile tugging on his lips as he outstretched his hand, "Come on."
____

Jesse's hands quivered and she shivered. Her rapid breaths sent condensation into the air and the snow falling was freezing her fingertips.

The world tilted and swayed until pieces of land started to break apart. Jesse stumbled to the side, losing her balance.

The world turned upside down literally and Jesse was now standing by a grave and the name engraved on it made her heart feel mixed emotions.

Her name written in all capital letters was engraved. Rain started to pour and Jesse heard weeping.

She turned on her heel and saw her friends, each in formal black clothing. Jesse felt her heart sink and then the world shook again.

Jesse was now in a field. It was sunny and partly cloudy, but nevertheless a beautiful day.

Jesse spotted a small pond close by and began walking over to it. She knelt beside it gazing at her reflection in the water.

She dipped her finger in the water, but as soon as she did the water drained until their was nothing left, but soil.

Jesse examined it and written in the soil was one word.

Empty.

_____

Yeah I finally finished!

Haha, procrastination in your face!

Yeah ummmm I'm just being weird now....I'll just leave.