One shots

Sunset skys || connor murphy (angst)

Trigger warning: suicide, self-harm

"Some nights I want to tear my arms apart while others I want to smash everything and scream. The worst ones are when I just sit and cry because I have nothing better to do, I just sob it's disgusting those are the night I tell myself all sorts of thing. I'll plan my suicide or try an convince myself that I'm not ill that I'm being dramatic and I'll wake up in the morning and everything will be fine, me a zoey will get on, Larry won't hate me and Cynthia can actually sleep. I never wake up though not from this nightmare, eventually maybe by do you know how long I've been holding onto eventually? It's a long fucking time and it's slowly pulling itself from my fingers" his sobs float through the field "it's so difficult, I've broken every promise and knowing I've broken them makes me hate myself even more and it's so vicious. I want to die but I'm terrified" his hands cover his face as he talks. "Even Evan is getting tired of me, I didn't like Evan when you introduced us I still don't not really but he's there for me, when you aren't, how do I fix this? I'm so fucked. I'm trying to get better I really am but it's so difficult, I don't have the strength at the moment and you can't lend me yours." He stops taking deep breathes "you can't lend me yours, your in the fucking ground while I'm still here standing. What do I have to show for it? My best friend in the ground and a myriad of scars. I brought pills with me. Would you be upset? No probably not you did this to me" he grows gradually more frantic. "I can already tell you'll be so disappointed, I am too that I couldn't carry on without you. You were the selfish one leaving me here to fight while you get dumped in the ground. It's funny you told me the one place you didn't want to be buried was here, I nearly kissed you here when you were alive that is. But now here I am necking pills sat next to your grave one last time, hey maybe if there is an afterlife I'll see you soon" swallowing the last pill as he speaks he lays down in the grass with the sun on his face. "I wish you where here now, you always did love the sunset and this one is particularly beautiful"